Kids: Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my... - FML

By momlife - 28/03/2016 20:45 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 129

You deserved it 2 088

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Same thing different taste

By birdisnottheword - 11/03/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 936

You deserved it 8 895

DELETE! DELETE!

By Mandi - 05/12/2022 16:00

Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 918

By her mom raised her - 17/05/2014 17:30 - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 831

You deserved it 7 049

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 645

You deserved it 2 608

By June - 19/05/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 74 789

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 884

You deserved it 8 366

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 198

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - 17/09/2019 06:00

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 319

By Anonymous - 27/01/2012 22:03 - United States

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 138

You deserved it 3 937

By shootme - 13/11/2011 22:46 - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 347

You deserved it 58 545

Next

Top comments

xxmollyxx 25

Tuesday 29 March 2016 10:42

Been there. My son is one, I assume your daughter is around the same age. If she's 10, then FYL indeed.

aimbug 42

Tuesday 29 March 2016 10:41

Aren't kids fun?

Comments

Fartful_Dodger 8

Tuesday 29 March 2016 16:39

It beats rock or scissors. ...

Estelle101_fml 13

Tuesday 29 March 2016 17:49

I guess she's testing the waters...

ZulAman 4

Tuesday 29 March 2016 18:58

YDI for having a kid in the first place

bigdfootball97 24

Tuesday 29 March 2016 19:23

Could've just said, "I gotta go"

rlalowski 3

Tuesday 29 March 2016 19:26

Been there! Toilet paper, dirty diapers, anything this tiny little hands get a hold of :)

boultzboi 20

Tuesday 29 March 2016 19:48

the joys of parenting :)

coolvictori 22

Tuesday 29 March 2016 20:57

I hope it was clean.

COSaikou 7

Tuesday 29 March 2016 21:28

Children do the darndest things!

thisguy22 33

Tuesday 29 March 2016 21:57

I think the level of my reaction to this depends entirely on if it was clean, new toilet paper... Or freshly used toilet paper. I require a follow up please.

sarcasmwins 24

Tuesday 29 March 2016 21:59

My sister used to happily sit in the garden and eat spoonfuls of dirt, each time mum lifted her out and turned her back she would go straight back to her usual spot in the dirt and eat spoon after spoon. One day mum couldn't take it anymore so she let her be, a muddy kid and a stomach ache later and she never went back again.

Keywords

Family Miscellaneous Cats DIY Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I finally got an interview for the job I want. The interviewer looked at my resumé and asked, "So, what have you been doing for the past 10 years?" I guess binge-watching Netflix wasn't the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 118

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

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The Top

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You deserved it 3 640

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I agree, your life sucks 38 814

You deserved it 3 547

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I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 276

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I agree, your life sucks 22 586

You deserved it 2 569

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. She warned me they were a little weird. Right when we walked in the door, her parents were there to greet us...in the nude. Apparently this constitutes as a LITTLE weird. They both hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 177

You deserved it 355

Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 557

You deserved it 3 320