Kids: Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my... - FML

By momlife - 28/03/2016 20:45 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 125

You deserved it 2 087

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Same thing different taste

By birdisnottheword - 11/03/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 935

You deserved it 8 891

DELETE! DELETE!

By Mandi - 05/12/2022 16:00

Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 915

By her mom raised her - 17/05/2014 17:30 - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 829

You deserved it 7 048

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 638

You deserved it 2 604

By June - 19/05/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 625

You deserved it 74 785

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 882

You deserved it 8 365

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 197

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - 17/09/2019 06:00

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 27/01/2012 22:03 - United States

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 135

You deserved it 3 936

By shootme - 13/11/2011 22:46 - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 345

You deserved it 58 541

Next

Top comments

xxmollyxx 25

Tuesday 29 March 2016 10:42

Been there. My son is one, I assume your daughter is around the same age. If she's 10, then FYL indeed.

aimbug 42

Tuesday 29 March 2016 10:41

Aren't kids fun?

Comments

mm12344 8

Wednesday 30 March 2016 8:08

Gotta get that fiber!

CyndiHouse3 5

Wednesday 30 March 2016 10:55

My daughter has a thing for crayons, tiny rocks and leaves. Oh, and sand. She's almost 2, so I totally understand your frustration, OP. I've heard it gets better. I'm hoping they're right.

Moerighan 23

Thursday 31 March 2016 0:45

Look on the bright side, it could have been a myriad of disgusting things, at least it wasn't.

Taolan 23

Thursday 31 March 2016 18:10

I do hope the person you were conversing with is someone you know fairly personally. There's no need to give out such specific information. You could leave it at "I gotta go" or say that your kid got into something. Not everyone needs to know the peculiarities of what weird thing your child is eating. It's less to do with grossness (This is fairly tame, honestly. I've dealt with kids eating worse), more to do with oversharing. Good habits start early.

mokonamadoki1 6

Thursday 7 April 2016 1:39

sounds nutritious!(^ワ^＝)

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 419

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I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 140

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I agree, your life sucks 30 084

You deserved it 2 648

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I agree, your life sucks 26 124

You deserved it 2 607

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I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 255