Intimacy: Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated... - FML

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 657

You deserved it 37 996

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Same thing different taste

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 458

You deserved it 4 568

Get some rest

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 18:01

Today, I dislocated my shoulder doing a really big stretch when I woke up. After the doctor relocated it, my dad told me I still had to do my chores. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 134

By unlucky - 29/03/2014 23:06 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 795

You deserved it 3 395

By metalmeow - 17/06/2019 05:00

Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 213

Unimpressed

By kylie - 02/04/2021 17:01

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 954

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Spicy

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 010

You deserved it 27 437

By one_BAMF - 25/07/2010 05:06 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 384

You deserved it 42 189

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Spicy

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 179

Painful romance

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 10:00

Spicy

Today, while my spouse and I were 'doing the do' we went to change positions… but instead we changed the location of their shoulder joint. Fully dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 202

By too eager - 25/04/2016 15:21 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 985

You deserved it 2 981

Next

Top comments

turtlemansam 6

Thursday 5 August 2010 9:11

Can't you just make up an excuse ?

allmidnighteyes 10

Thursday 5 August 2010 9:15

How the **** do you ********** intensely enough to dislocate your shoulder?

Comments

linebacker42 0

Friday 6 August 2010 3:11

dude how did you not rip your dick off?? take it easy or you might, lol

Thoko_fml 0

Friday 6 August 2010 3:14

YDI for masturbating

babyqeelove 0

Friday 6 August 2010 3:25

lmaoo! wtf? your desperatee!

jonny2x4 0

Friday 6 August 2010 3:41

If you're going to whack off that hard, I'm surprised you haven't dislocated your wiener. Then try explaining THAT to your doctor.

Speechless1 0

Friday 6 August 2010 3:46

Akward.... O.o

this_is_my_usern_fml 0

Friday 6 August 2010 3:46

maybe its a girl...

MyLifeIsGreat_ha 0

Friday 6 August 2010 4:43

geeezZ! just get a hooker like everYoNE elSe!!!???

D34DM4ND4N 2

Friday 6 August 2010 5:04

Not if he was double Dutch rudderingg!!

girl14 0

Friday 6 August 2010 5:22

I want to see the look on his parents and doctors face. lol ok random point I really wanted to say - could you imagine being in the same room when the telephone was FIRST invented and seeing theor faces? hello?- HOLLY SHIT IT WORKS!!! O MY GOD I CAN HEAR YOU THROUGH A MAGIC BOX!!!!!

nickerbockers3 0

Friday 6 August 2010 5:30

Dude don't worry about it, totally happens to me all the time.

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The Top

Today, myself and my pug entered a novelty dog competition at the local fair. We won first prize in the lookalike contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 252

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 116

You deserved it 3 104

The Top

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 082

You deserved it 2 908

Today, I started my job at a warehouse. I was the only person in my training group who needed help wrapping a pallet. FML

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You deserved it 209

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 400

You deserved it 4 289

Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 487

You deserved it 256

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 494

You deserved it 8 746

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 296

You deserved it 2 115