Miscellaneous: You wanker!

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 441

You deserved it 4 564

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Same thing different taste

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 655

You deserved it 37 996

By whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 964

You deserved it 2 141

By johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 044

You deserved it 2 661

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 206

You deserved it 37 101

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 006

You deserved it 27 433

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 376

You deserved it 4 053

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 144

You deserved it 3 336

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 644

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 910

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 763

BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

Comments

BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

cthulhu_fml 0

Friday 13 February 2009 5:49

Yes, did you?

julzziee 0

Friday 13 March 2009 0:44

is that how you broke it? if so... your retarded. and sux cant do itanymore til its better.

Rickilynn1 10

Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:17

You're * sucks * can't * till *

andyyroxx 20

Saturday 29 September 2012 9:44

It's*

TrippingOnAcid 29

Sunday 23 November 2014 13:19

Wouldn't an abbreviation of until be 'til instead of till?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

tacojauns 45

Friday 23 November 2012 21:46

while in handcuffs

RenRen_fml 0

Monday 20 April 2009 17:35

Hahahha....your mom is so cool. Next time, take it easy so you don't end up in the hospital again.

Lamesauce_Lala 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 7:56

Hth is that even possible? Minus the fact your mom probably just said it for the 'ell of it, Does she realize that's ALMOST impossible?

dearViena 0

Monday 25 May 2009 18:38

if you think about it.... that can be a compliment :D

turtlellama 0

Monday 1 June 2009 8:05

A) How come this only has 15 comments? B) How come the post thinks it has 5?

snorlax422 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 2:12

Wow. That's some intense masturbating there...

chanchito 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 21:49

Well damn, I love ur mom if my mom was like that it would be awsum

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Lonely Halloween Wanker Jealousy Love Party Fight Family Argument Animals Cats Parents Sports Embarrassing Health Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings Pranks TikTok YouTube Dogs Cute AITA Work

The Top

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 546

You deserved it 80 691

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 184

You deserved it 8 136

The Top

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 838

You deserved it 35 556

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 879

You deserved it 23 129

Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 680

You deserved it 6 689

Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 331

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 414

You deserved it 4 133

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 519

You deserved it 32 151