Intimacy: Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I...

By openmouthinsertfoot - 07/12/2010 17:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 656

You deserved it 41 904

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Same thing different taste

By so_screwed - 25/09/2013 06:59 - United States - Salinas

Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 508

You deserved it 13 892

Pure animal magnetism

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 21:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 160

You deserved it 16 873

By CollegeFreshman - 11/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 611

You deserved it 3 749

Cheeky

By woopdeedo_1 - 07/03/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 235

You deserved it 3 610

Small world

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 03:00

Today, I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said good night to him… only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 3 849

Twisted

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 776

You deserved it 4 725

By yourstruly - 11/02/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 715

You deserved it 2 361

By NeverDrinkingAgain - 09/12/2010 12:31 - Canada

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 703

You deserved it 43 796

So frustrating!

By Anonymous - 21/11/2013 20:37 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 416

You deserved it 10 269

Classic lineup

By Phoellie - 28/08/2009 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs. I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex. Afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd also had great sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 325

You deserved it 5 233

DocBastard 38

Tuesday 7 December 2010 22:33

What the hell were you thinking leaving a stranger in your flat? While you were gone, he could have tripped over your cat, stolen your cake, and emptied your apartment! Dumbass.

ClickMyPicture 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 22:13

LOL! It must be fate ♥

Comments

kels_409 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:13

Atleast you weren't at a high school giving a lecture.

Trollz4daLULZ 1

Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:32

YDI for FORNICATING (it feels good to say that one again, since my office's network blocks the intimacy section of FML). Also, YDI for being a guest lecturer and for being a jackass to late arrivals instead of everyone!

boopityboppity 11

Wednesday 8 December 2010 0:27

Did you try doing https? A lot of systems fail to realize that it's the same site.

boopityboppity 11

Wednesday 8 December 2010 0:32

Scratch that. FMyLife doesn't work with https.

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 8 December 2010 5:16

Trollz, YDI for working in an office with morals (read: firewalls). I'm not sure exactly what it is that you deserve, but whatever it is, you can be damn sure you deserve it.

sweet_candy_ 17

Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:40

You deserved it op :(

unidentified_sta 5

Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:49

But through which door did he come?

ckjacques53198 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:54

*****

IWABO2_ 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:56

He came thrue the back door( pun)

Grand_Cookie 21

Wednesday 8 December 2010 0:13

You shouldn't be banging random dudes

knight0748 5

Wednesday 8 December 2010 0:33

His comeback should be: " got wasted last night and went home with the last girl in the bar."

brianjman14 22

Wednesday 8 December 2010 0:35

I don't really care if someone has a one night stand, but why the **** would you leave them ALONE in your home?! ******* dumbest move ever...

TakeMyLifePlease 7

Wednesday 8 December 2010 5:57

Lol, ******* a random stranger, i.e. letting him into your body = totally cool, but leaving him alone in your home is the jumbo no-no? If she's that hard up that ******* strangers is acceptable, she should just get a goddamn vibrator. You can leave it alone without worrying about it taking off with your tv.

dudeitsdanny 9

Wednesday 8 December 2010 6:41

She's there while he ***** her, he's not alone in her body. Thats called rape. Or necrophilllllia. So yes, its okay if she ***** a stranger. Not a good idea to leave him alone at your place, though. I was expecting a worse FML