Work: Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because...

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By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 06:38 - Iraq

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 273

You deserved it 3 703

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Same thing different taste

By Crap - 12/04/2016 16:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 838

You deserved it 2 965

By rogerusmc23 - 24/05/2011 02:41 - Japan

Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 276

You deserved it 4 608

That sinking feeling…

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 08:00

Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 437

By btchzloveit - 29/09/2011 12:27 - United States

Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 271

You deserved it 2 417

By Tp - 30/06/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 898

You deserved it 28 915

By caught out - 26/04/2014 23:29 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 725

You deserved it 7 424

By FUCKFACECUNT - 02/08/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 688

You deserved it 2 394

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 292

By ewww - 30/07/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 728

You deserved it 4 020

By it's sharty time :/ - 02/07/2016 18:45 - United States - Bismarck

Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 523

You deserved it 1 777

Sadielovesyou 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:04

who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!

mamamiaaa_fml 12

Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:47

I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.

Comments

woodro87 4

Wednesday 1 December 2010 19:29

remember. it could always be worse.

army13D 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 19:31

dude that sucks! they tried to threaten us with that!

fmlguy2010 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 19:49

On one deployment we had someone who would crap in the showers when they were empty. We called him the "phantom shitter". they ended up taking down the shower curtains and u had to bathe inches next to the guy next to you.

carcinogan 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 20:05

shit I know how you feel : you got it dawg keep it chill

JG2007 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 20:38

I know it sucks but it could be worse. When my husband was in Iraq, some douchebag decided that he was going to poop in the bathroom sink just about every other day. Then to top it all off, right before he got caught, he decided to throw the feces over the shower wall...while someone was showering.