Work: Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because...

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By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 06:38 - Iraq

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 273

You deserved it 3 703

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Same thing different taste

By Crap - 12/04/2016 16:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 838

You deserved it 2 965

By rogerusmc23 - 24/05/2011 02:41 - Japan

Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 276

You deserved it 4 608

That sinking feeling…

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 08:00

Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 437

By btchzloveit - 29/09/2011 12:27 - United States

Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 270

You deserved it 2 417

By Tp - 30/06/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 897

You deserved it 28 915

By caught out - 26/04/2014 23:29 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 725

You deserved it 7 424

By FUCKFACECUNT - 02/08/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 688

You deserved it 2 394

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 292

By ewww - 30/07/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 728

You deserved it 4 020

By it's sharty time :/ - 02/07/2016 18:45 - United States - Bismarck

Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 523

You deserved it 1 777

Sadielovesyou 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:04

who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!

mamamiaaa_fml 12

Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:47

I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.

Comments

BeRealz 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 14:16

Wow, really? You go calling me a "tool", when you're in mid-30's and you don't even know that? Nice going.

mythoughts 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 14:20

Sucks to be on your base. If you were in the green zone they have contractors for that so you don't have to bother with cleaning/watching to skookums. If you are down range you would be burning it every time to barrel gets full or moving to a new FOB when mission dictates. I have a hard time believing this post, unless you are at some weird base that has to clean your own skookums or something. The military wastes money left and right so to think that they would waste a soldiers time watching the pooper vs paying loads of money to some local is far fetched. There are some dumb jobs in the military overseas, but not this dumb. Are you really military? Or a cilvian contractor and they no longer need your position so they are paying you lots of money to do nothing?

Bayji_Gunner 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 15:07

He is not cleaning the latrine, he is guarding it. I am pretty sure the days of burning your own shit in Iraq ended around OIF2. Trust me Soldiers will be put on shitty details like this one especially if you piss off your 1SG.

rldostie 19

Wednesday 1 December 2010 15:29

The military likes to waste money but I've never seen any form of guard duty pulled by anyone but military. Besides, if a local was guarding it, then you'd have to have a soldier guarding the local. Locals were never allowed on our camp without a full time escort. Chances are the OP is military and his commander is just as ass (typical of commanders, if you ask me).

sillsucks 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 14:27

I feel your pain dude 2 weeks lockdown for a radin unaccounted for and we found it by a dumpster my thxgiving day was spent in a motorpool on a cot freezing my ass off I know I'm not in iraq and I thnk you for serving

rldostie 19

Wednesday 1 December 2010 15:32

I hear you. At JRTC in Polk some asshole lost a detonation wire. After 30 days in the field, four extra days out there in the LA heat until they found it. Sometimes it sucks to be a soldier. lol.

atcontroller22 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 14:29

boo whooo you have to sit inside the wire and watch a toilet. sack up. watch the toilet and keep the bitching to yourself, you're making real soldiers look bad. to those putting down the military FYL for being ungrateful, uneducated, BS regurgitators. stop passing these unoriginal thoughts you heard on TV as your own ideas.

tawnibaby 0

Friday 10 June 2011 23:56

like(:

amthony82 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 15:04

I was just signing in to remind him that he IS. a tool because he said you were in your mid 30s when you were born in 84! what a tool! oh well.... good riddance

skyeyez9 24

Wednesday 1 December 2010 15:07

At least you're not on shit burning detail.

RKD 23

Wednesday 1 December 2010 15:12

I would CLEAN the damn thing if it meant not having to worry about getting shot at! Sounds to me like the op lucked out!

rldostie 19

Wednesday 1 December 2010 15:17

come on, OP. You know shit burning detail is 100% worse. lol. When I was there, we didn't even have latrines. Just half barrels that every night we had to pour fuel in, light, and stir. Nothing quite like the smell of burning shit... Chin up, though. It will be over soon. Thank you for your service!