Intimacy: Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are...

FML for mobile
Free

By movingout - 26/01/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 647

You deserved it 5 311

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Twit to who

By Hooty - 02/09/2015 21:52 - United States - Groveton

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 483

You deserved it 2 349

By Heather - 12/11/2012 21:20 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 219

You deserved it 3 242

By tireedddddd - 25/11/2011 16:24 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 112

You deserved it 2 486

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 303

You deserved it 3 338

By Moanie - 15/03/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 378

You deserved it 29 523

By Anonymous - 03/01/2009 16:48 - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 713

You deserved it 4 400

Creeped out

By shawty - 22/08/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 208

You deserved it 6 475

Confusing

By frenchpop1960 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 593

You deserved it 42 147

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 00:02 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 830

You deserved it 6 580

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 668

You deserved it 4 990

Barhinder 9

Sunday 27 January 2013 9:23

You could say she was having a hoot.

Pleonasm 35

Sunday 27 January 2013 9:41

Did you know "too hot to hoot" is a palindrome- you can say it backwards and it reads the same way.

Comments

chanellgymnast 17

Sunday 27 January 2013 10:12

"Hoot hoot"? You must flee.

kirdypie 14

Sunday 27 January 2013 10:20

Clean your ears out with acid ASAP

beclaurela 18

Sunday 27 January 2013 10:28

I know them feels. Worst thing ever.

OhhhMaryy 12

Sunday 27 January 2013 10:30

Lol wow. hey you can only be happy for her, it might make you feel u comfortable, but makes her happy lol

EsotericBrent 29

Sunday 27 January 2013 10:47

This is why it's always good to have some brain bleach around

karlcolt45 19

Sunday 27 January 2013 10:48

mom's got amnesia huh? who! who! who are you again??

akiahara 14

Sunday 27 January 2013 10:55

She was just having a hoot. You should be happy for her.

Obey_StudBoii 23

Sunday 27 January 2013 11:17

Traumatized for the rest of your life I see.

abicarolina 6

Sunday 27 January 2013 11:17

Eww!

MuldRAR 6

Sunday 27 January 2013 11:21

What a hoot!

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Travel YouTube Videos Cleaning Argument Love Insurance Money Animals Dogs Poopoo peepee Health Fire Confused Healthy Lifestyle Awkward Embarrassing Mental health Farts Flooding Plumbing Cats Music Dance Cute Intimacy Kids Capitalism Vacation

The Top

Today, fed up with humans, I'd booked four weeks in a cottage 200 miles away from anyone I know. I’ve only been here a week when I got a knock on the door. It was my brother, his snobby wife, and three screaming kids, because he was sure I’d be lonely by now. They booked a hotel five minutes away, for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 99

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 292

The Top

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 686

You deserved it 2 489

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 876

You deserved it 4 576

Today, I checked into my flight early. The kiosk asked me if I wanted an earlier flight for $50. Awesome. I swiped my card then continued to the next screen where I was informed my new flight was delayed to the same time as my original flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 033

You deserved it 6 010

Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 40 942

Today, my flight home was delayed, then cancelled. I've been hiding in the bathroom for almost an hour, just to get a break from my mom's endless stream of celebrity gossip and every other thought that comes into her head, all while she cooks delicious food that I can no longer eat due to severe allergies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 172

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 38 909

Same thing different taste

Twit to who

Creeped out

Confusing

Top comments

Comments