"that much of a douche"? The girlfriend made a relationship-changing decision without so much as consulting her boyfriend. And she suprised him with it on his birthday. That's a lack of communication and of respect. I have nothing wrong with people choosing to be chaste, but this is either a major manipulation or a sign that his feelings are not important to her. Neither of those necessarily means ending the relationship, but they could well lead to it.

His feelings should not be relevant in such a decision. It's her body and her physical/emotional/spiritual wellbeing. If he had any feelings for her at all he would be supportive. OP, you're a douche simply for posting this as an FML. You don't deserve human interaction.

Why are some of the girls talking about sex as if it was some sort of sacrifice on the female part? If she doesn't want sex and you do, then its obviously time to part ways. Or inform her that you will bang some other chick on the side (I'm against cheating, but its not cheating, if you tell her beforehand) and she can change her mind any time she wants you to stop that.

It's not about him making the decision, it's about her going up to him prior to this and saying "Hey i'm thinking about taking a vow of chastity" and then at that point, he would either be supportive or say "hey, that's not something that would be okay with me, so i guess we should stop seeing each other" Just randomly saying "Hey i've taken a vow of chastity" (ON HIS B-DAY NO LESS!? WHAT A BITCH!) Is a bitch thing to do and he has ever right to dump her, and he's NOT a 'douche' for doing so.

Probably because not everyone shares your views on the subject. If someone is not ready to have sex for whatever reason, then they shold, under no circumstances, have sex. Doing so would be exaclty that, a sacrifice of their comfort and wellbeing. As far as your suggestion, he has been with her for 2 years, presumably without having sex thus far. There is absolutely no reason why this should change anything at all. If he hasn't needed to "bang a chick on the side" yet, he won't in the future.

lmmmr all of your postings on this matter scream 'feminist' to me. Sex is a big thing for guys, and yeah it's possible to go without it but there has to be a reason. You can't just walk up to your boyfriend and say hey, I'm taking a vow of chastity [end of conversation]. Fine it's your decision at all, but if you aren't going to consult us before hand it becomes a problem. Couples should confide in one another over decision such as this, not just "force" it on the other person. Yes it's her body and her decision, but chastity is something no guy wants to hear, regardless of how much you love her, especially when it comes on as a surprise. On your birthday none the less.

Well that's because I am a feminist. :) I do apologize if I am coming off as a "feminazi" though. I agree that communication here is important. However, I would consider this a very personal decision. She probably assumed the boyfriend's input would be "no don't do it," rightfully so as the FML illustrates, and didn't want his influence to dissuade her from something that is personally very important to her. Even if she had confided in him, his opinion really shouldn't have effected her decision. And I'm not saying that he has no right to be effected by this decision. Of course he does. However, he has been with her for 2 years. Generally that suggests a high level of commitment and a strong love for a person. If the relationship is ended all of a sudden simply because the possibility of premarital sex has been removed, then clearly the love and trust they shared as a couple is less significant to the OP than his ability to put his penis in someone, and for that reason I feel confident calling him a douche. If this were a girl he just started dating and didn't have strong feelings for, then I would be all for his ending it, as he wouldn't be sacrificing something substantial over it.

Yeah, the crazy starts to seep in at "been with her for 2 years, presumably without having sex thus far". YEAH RIGHT... are you insane? OBVIOUSLY they've been having sex thus far, otherwise the guy wouldn't be expecting it on his birthday and be all surprised when she hits him with a vow of chastity after two years of normal sex! Think about it for a second...

#70, you say "feminist" like it's a bad thing. There's "feminists" (I'm one of them, and a male), and there's "female supremacists". It's like the difference between MLK and radical black supremacists like the NBPP; one wants peace and the other wants to assert superiority and dominance over another group. What I would like to imagine is a feminist take on the matter is "he doesn't control her body, so the woman should have an equal voice in the relationship to the man". What a female supremacist would say is that "he should have no voice in deciding whether or not they have sex, and if he disagrees, he's a pig". Again, one wants peace and equality and the other wants dominance. The desire for dominance is certainly understandable, as women have been marginalized and beaten down since the beginning of recorded history, but it always breaks my heart to see the desire for dominance become the representative of a movement, be it black nationalism or female supremacy. The radical fringe movement gets all the attention and people think all feminists/black rights advocates/vegetarians/Republicans/Democrats are all female supremacists/NOI/PETA/Rush Limbaugh/Rage Against the Machine, etc etc etc etc. Again, I'm a male, and I'm very dedicated to racial and gender equality, so can I be against female supremacy and still want to have bilateral dialogue (redundant phrase?) with the other side of a relationship? Just my two cents. I could put in another dollar or two and write about this issue for like 50 pages but no one reads these stupid comments anyway.

#81, here's where equality has to go both ways. He cannot control her body, but she should not be able to control his, either. That's exactly what she's doing, by shutting herself off completely. Asserting full control over his body is just as bad as him asserting full control over hers. If there's a "high level of commitment" on both sides of the relationship, why does she go off and make a major decision regarding their relationship on her own? She absolutely destroyed his trust in her, and left him in the dust, feeling marginalized and helpless. He feels extremely disrespected because she didn't even bother to talk to him about it. Just like he should be committed to her happiness, she should be committed to his. That's why there needs to be a DISCUSSION and a COMPROMISE. If she refuses to address how important sex is to him, and instead forces her idea of the complete unimportance of sex onto him, I don't see how that's equality.

@81 - I was gonna stay clear of this one, but just couldn't. While I agree with everything you are saying about her body and her right, she does have both after all. This screams relationship trouble. The fact that a person would make such a decision that she has to know will deeply effect both of them without any obvious regard for his point of view (she brings it up as an afterthought at his birthday party!!) is being selfish. It is her right to be selfish when it comes to her body and beliefs, I completely agree. However there are certain ground rules to being in a good relationship and being a good partner, and this breaks a few of them, honesty, trust, sharing and caring about the others feelings to name a few. Most specifically for a relationship, as you point out, that has gone presumably well for two years. There is also nothing to indicate this "vow" will end with marriage, when nuns take such vows it foreswares marriage as well if I am not mistaken. She may very well have just told him no to sex and no marriage ever... we can just be best buds. At any rate, I have always said that two people in a relationship either grow together or they begin to grow apart. This to me is a huge read flag that they are growing apart. That is usually as good a sign as one can find that it MAY be time to end a relationship. Does any of this mean he should leave her because he is not getting laid anymore? No. But it does indicate several issues that could be the start of the end of a relationship. That does not make him a douche for considering these possibilities. Unless of course, he is a douche, and is still looking into these possibilities... I refrain from further judgment on the grounds of lack of evidence.

You're assuming they haven't had premarital sex. Based on the fact it came as a surprise to him, they probably were.

@#39. Yes, we can agree that a woman has the sole right to decide whether or not she wants to have sex. But then again, to whom are you trying to prove your point? The post immediately above yours doesn't say that women shouldn't have the sole right to decide what to do or not to do with their bodies. It merely criticizes the tactlessness of the OP's girlfriend. Regardless of whether or not the argument of the poster above you has any merit, you are reading more meaning out of people's posts than is written into them, and it also appears that you are making rash judgements of character. Respecting a person's decision and supporting the person's decision are not the same thing. The OP should respect his girlfriend's decision in the sense that he should not try to rape her or anything like that - that is, he should respect her right to abstain from sex. To support a person's decision is something different altogether. One way of supporting someone's decision is to (honestly) tell the person that you are happy that he/she made that decision. If you're not happy with another person's decision, does that make you a "douche"? If I know 100 people, and each of them makes one decision a day, and I agree with only half of all these decisions, do I accrue 50 "douchiness" points per day? If the OP decides to break up with his girlfriend, and you are not supportive of this decision (after all he does have the right to do so!), does that make _you_ a "douche"? And then you tell the OP that he doesn't deserve human interaction. It appears that you despise the fact that the OP considers sex to be an important part of his relationship, but do you really feel, as one would infer from taking your words literally, that the OP's friends and acquaintances should also refuse to associate with him?

#114, that was extremely well-said and I agree.

That's called the sunk cost fallacy.

But the girlfriend has decided that neither of them are going to have sex now.

wow dude, just wow. You OBVIOUSLY have no idea about the stress and pain on a woman's body before, during, and after sex. If a girl can't have sex, doesn't want to have sex, or is afraid of sex from oh say...PREGNANCY....or an STD, Or phyisical hurt, or pains from birth control the Male should be understanding and loveing of her choice. My boyfriend told me right off the bat that if i didn't want sex he would never push me or FORCE to do it. A woman is NOT a walking ****** to just screw with and when she says to please stop you find ANOTHER ****** that will! ....men are ignorant sir and NO woman on FML would agree with u that he should leave her on the spot bc she says "no thanks" (this is speaking from expeirience from a girl on Birth control and a boyfriend)

Who the **** was being so much of an extreme asshole that they justified that comment? "My boyfriend told me right off the bat that if i didn't want sex he would never push me or FORCE to do it. " Ok, your boyfriend said he wouldn't rape you......umm, what's your point? Rape is bad? ".men are ignorant sir and NO woman on FML would agree with u that he should leave her on the spot bc she says "no thanks" "Umm, I think I saw a woman say it's justified to leave a woman for what happened to the OP.

#81, do you even know what a vow of chastity is? It's a commitment to NEVER have sex. Not to wait till marriage. Which means, if he ever wants kids, being in a relationship with her is now a pointless waste of time.

Awww, poor plexi. You know what's a lot of fun? Making babies. Specifically, moving to Utah (or France) and making babies with fellow FMLers. Besides, you can always get some from the people whom you're NOT supposed to.

Yes, but she hasn't been "saving" herself. They've been together for two years, and during that time we are left to assume that they have been having sex, considering that this was a shocking revelation to the OP. If you are already in a sexually active relationship with someone, what point is there to stop the sex while keeping the relationship going? With that being said, I don't think that it is entirely wise to wait til marriage to have sex. I've dated some guys who were really good in bed, but we just weren't able to make it work outside of the bedroom. And then I've dated some guys who were absolutely amazing guys, with good minds and we were always able to keep the conversation going, but we just didn't have the same chemistry when it came to sex. I've never been able to find the balance between great person and amazing lay. It's not easy to find, and before you saddle your horse for good, your gonna wanna make sure it's a good ride. Otherwise, life is gonna suck.

Actually it's not normal, healthy, or even natural.

If it is unhealthy to abstain from sexual intercourse, then I have to assume your reasoning is that there is a biological need for "release" of some sort. And I assume that you are aware of the practice of ************, so it must be that you are suggesting that ************ is unhealthy? Normality is entirely relative. And humanity is far enough from "natural" that true nature can't be defined. It's nothing but a choice, and there is nothing wrong with it.

How exactly would that NOT hurt someone's feelings?

holy cow you're a dick.

I've been looking everywhere for men like you! D:

All the pro-chastity nutbags are missing the point. She came over to spend the night with him. If she doesn't want to have sex with him, what's she doing having a sleepover?

Actually, there's this thing called "sleep." Sometimes it's just comforting to have someone to cuddle with while you fall asleep. Maybe she didn't even intend to spend the night, and just came over to inform him that he wouldn't be getting any (from her anyway). Being invited doesn't mean she actually stayed. I'm also not a "pro-chastity nutbag." I have absolutely nothing against premarital sex as long as it's responsible and mutual. Thing is, I have respect for the people who choose to wait as well. It's not either or, and I respect the OP's girlfriend's decision, and I think the OP is a little greedy if he wants something from his girlfriend that she doesn't want to give him right now.

You sure are a nutbag if you think it's normal for two teenagers to just lie in bed and "sleep." Sure, you don't get laid every time you get a girl in bed, but at least you're going to mess around a little.

Yeah, they will... and then they'll sleep.