Miscellaneous: Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway...

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By what have i done with my life - 21/07/2013 17:46 - United States - Akron

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 652

You deserved it 6 029

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Same thing different taste

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By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 15:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 221

You deserved it 6 097

Childish

By jade - 11/01/2022 17:01

Today, I was talking to a guy when he pointed behind me and said, “Hey, what’s that?” I looked behind me and he burst out laughing, saying he “can’t believe I’m so stupid that I still fall for that old trick.” We were having a conversation, not a physical fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 157

By BannedfromFriend - 20/05/2015 23:21 - United States

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 840

You deserved it 10 925

You're so vain…

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 05:01

Today, my girlfriend of two years took offense to a "That's what she said joke", and blew up, saying she doesn't like those jokes. She thinks that she is the "She" of the jokes every time I guess. I tried explaining how the jokes work, but she wouldn't believe me. She says that I'm just lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 410

By fakelaugher - 20/12/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 299

You deserved it 24 299

It's all downhill from here…

By Tree Hugger - 22/12/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I went skiing with a friend of mine. He went first. I heard a loud *THUD* and went to investigate. When I went past him, he yelled, "I ran into a tree. I don't feel so good!" He said it in such a defeated and humorous way, that I crashed into a tree myself because I couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 906

By AnonymousAmber - 31/10/2014 23:10 - United States - Yadkinville

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 173

You deserved it 2 873

Be careful, please!

By WolfsScar - 08/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 556

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 09:23 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 512

You deserved it 1 646

By Anonymous - 04/11/2013 11:39

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 070

You deserved it 72 004

redbluegreen 40

Monday 22 July 2013 2:13

Well, it is a natural reaction when you're getting blown.

beclaurela 18

Monday 22 July 2013 2:17

The wind just penetrates the branches relentlessly. What else would happen?

Comments

websphere69 27

Monday 22 July 2013 2:31

Hope she doesn't get "blown" over....

Dessert_ed_FML 9

Monday 22 July 2013 12:33

I think she got "Blown over" already... :D

Bittenchaos 12

Monday 22 July 2013 2:32

Birds of a feather flock together...

OneGirlTwoCups 13

Tuesday 23 July 2013 4:37

Don't think that is the right quote.

hopelessefforts 9

Monday 22 July 2013 2:33

OP, I think it's time to use this newly found information to your advantage

buckdharma 37

Monday 22 July 2013 2:35

Tell her that sap is the ****.

herh1996 6

Monday 22 July 2013 2:35

Lol, she is the friend that is only kept around for comic relief right?

ZeroPath5 16

Monday 22 July 2013 2:39

If that's the case, trees are extremely horny

noobsatin 19

Monday 22 July 2013 2:40

think of all the endless possibilities.

Enslaved 36

Monday 22 July 2013 2:52

Hey why not? After watching Pocahontas-- I believed that "Colours of the Wind" song!

firstbasemaster 15

Monday 22 July 2013 2:58

Some people are "special"

Uramonkey 11

Monday 22 July 2013 4:44

You mean the people who make ignorant comments?

retyi43 14

Monday 22 July 2013 3:06

I would just encourage her to keep it going and see how long it takes her to figure it out.

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The Top

Today, my landlord, due to a past of being an asshole and now enhanced with dementia, suddenly jumped down my throat for parking incorrectly in the driveway, because there's no room for their two cars. He hasn't had two cars in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 160

Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We've had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 459

You deserved it 3 087

The Top

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 317

You deserved it 98 448

Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 643

You deserved it 5 247

Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 576

You deserved it 923

Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 147

You deserved it 10 873

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 353

Today, after waking up with the worst hangover in years, I got a bank notification that my credit card was maxed out. Apparently, I bought a $1500 plane ticket for my ex-girlfriend to come over this weekend. She’s in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 2 290