Work: Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables... - FML

By slickboy0023 - 16/03/2010 15:30 - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 910

You deserved it 5 624

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 23/03/2011 11:50 - United States

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 055

You deserved it 5 084

By LennyComa - 19/03/2017 00:00

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 591

You deserved it 941

Help!

By send help - 07/03/2017 02:00

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 442

You deserved it 407

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 12:49 - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 266

You deserved it 5 399

Is that even legal?

By Monkeys aren't pets - 07/12/2020 23:04 - United States - Millersville

Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 114

Dumbo's jumbo dungo

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 20:00 - Australia

Today, I learned not to get a job as an elephant keeper at the zoo when the water at home is out for a week for renovations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 188

Food flight

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 360

You deserved it 7 403

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 12:40 - Australia

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 332

You deserved it 15 928

By foojew93 - 09/08/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 317

You deserved it 3 833

Do it again!

By immy504 - 30/11/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled, "NINJA WAITRESS!" Everyone at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 317

You deserved it 5 939

Next

Top comments

aback 4

Tuesday 16 March 2010 19:45

"They took our jobs!"

velvel 7

Tuesday 16 March 2010 19:40

I want to be waited on by a monkey!!

Comments

RKftw 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 7:16

does getting fecal matter thrown at someone cost extra or do you do that for free?

mjolene 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 8:03

@ ilovedrugs - I love drugs too. and sex. yep, that's about it.

bugmenotmofo 34

Wednesday 17 March 2010 8:21

OP is a Cracked reader... i think my other comment disappeared... hmmm...

Tabbykat9698 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 10:03

I'm a server and I LOVE my job. Its mindless but tons of money. I'm a college dropout and plan on going back, but for the time being I make as much or more as my college grad friends.

chadb1520 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 12:52

lol bob and Tom had that on there show

CaptenAwesomeXD 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 18:28

dude... that's one KICKASS monkey, or, many kickass monkeys I guess, since there were many of them...aaanyways... that's pretty damn cool :D

kazumaslayer666 3

Wednesday 17 March 2010 18:34

I saw this on world's dumbest

joangar 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 19:19

well what do you expect, youre a waiter.

zachhasse 0

Thursday 18 March 2010 4:18

do you know how to spank your monkey

Meathook 0

Friday 19 March 2010 2:38

I see you too read cracked.com.

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Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Customers Fat Bodyshaming Facebook Am I overreacting? Social Media Love AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Relatable Students Technology Education Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 714

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 2 715

The Top

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 548

You deserved it 5 092

Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 450

You deserved it 1 532

Today, after hearing the results of my spinal tap, following several scans, my doctor said discovering that I have Multiple Sclerosis was a "happy accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 991

You deserved it 1 498

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 595

You deserved it 9 342

Today, my dog was cold, so she kept sitting around the oven. When I opened it to put my pizza in, she hopped into it. The massive yelp of pain as she did so is going to haunt my dreams… and my financial stability. Even the vet has no idea how she's still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 237

Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 189

You deserved it 25 360