Work: Today, I learned that the three secretaries at work make spreadsheets...

By toilet on the clock - 08/06/2016 10:40 - China - Guangzhou

Today, I learned that the three secretaries at work make spreadsheets about who uses the toilets, when and for how long, and then make bets on who will take the longest toilet break, who will use it the most often, etc. Now I constantly look at my watch whenever I use the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 777

You deserved it 1 273

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Same thing different taste

By sudoku_fiend - 13/12/2015 04:40 - United States - Millville

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 681

You deserved it 5 825

By deuceaddict - 03/11/2017 21:00

Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 761

You deserved it 299

By Labro9 - 23/10/2016 08:20

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit." It seems like my manager is maximizing his time like never before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 542

You deserved it 673

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 11/09/2022 12:30 - Belgium

Today, after I'd left my former job because of burnout for another job, where they'd said handling call time wasn't important, my new employer demands to fill in every day during the week how much time I spent on each task and calls, bathroom or coffee breaks, as "waste-time", and we need to fill in how much time we "wasted" pissing or shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 144

Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot

By Faktafem - 19/06/2019 23:55

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 112

By Anon - 20/01/2017 22:00

Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 119

You deserved it 1 733

Not now, mate

By yuen - 16/06/2009 14:59 - Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 611

You deserved it 4 741

Serial Shitter

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 05:01 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I got an email from a colleague with a picture in it of shit on the toilet seat. The email said, "Not pointing fingers but I left you out of the last email." I pee a lot and so I use the toilet a lot. I think everyone at work thinks it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 623

You deserved it 6 750

By blakeintheoffice - 08/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 3 727

nonsensical 26

Wednesday 8 June 2016 18:20

Just stay there for 15 minutes one day, make them all lose their bets and give them a wink when you walk out

Welshite 39

Wednesday 8 June 2016 18:11

Join the office betting pool, and soon the pot will be overflowing. C'mon, the spreadsheets are simple toilet humor.

Comments

WmXVIII 2

Wednesday 8 June 2016 22:23

Go in there, stay like fifteen minutes, walk out, pause and then go back in for another fifteen minutes as if you just realized that you weren't done. Repeat until properly satisfied. I wonder how they would handle that.

dnissila 10

Thursday 9 June 2016 0:39

Why is this a FML? People got real problems and this shit gets through?

chewsef 17

Thursday 9 June 2016 0:47

That's a shitty situation.

Jennapea 15

Thursday 9 June 2016 0:53

Sounds like unneeded stress :/ sorry OP!

trucker2 33

Thursday 9 June 2016 3:13

I've heard of things like the football pool but never the potty spreadsheets

vikky538 28

Thursday 9 June 2016 4:22

I looked at the published location and figured it's a common funny bet

WittyReference 8

Thursday 9 June 2016 4:44

That's actually kinda really funny

vtgal 2

Thursday 9 June 2016 5:09

heck with that.... grab a laptop and your head set put a *do not disturbe or out of order* sign on the door handle come o ut once your sitiated in there..grab a plate of snacks and make sure while your in there laugh your butt off for 30 mins....