By nocongratsneeded - 04/11/2015 03:23 - United States - Bloomfield Hills
I agree, your life sucks
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You deserved it
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nocongratsneeded tells us more.
Hi all, this is the OP. Obviously, he's my ex, even though he doesn't seem to realize it yet to judge by the texts and phone calls. To give a little more background, we'd been together for almost three years. We were talking about moving in together (but not getting married, I've seen too many of my friends get divorced already). To really prove that the universe hates me, he and I were still using condoms, because I am that freaked out about pregnancy and I can't take hormonal BC. This is the first time ever I've had one break. I'm sure I'm going to catch a lot of flak for this, but I have scheduled an abortion for the end of this week. It's not a human or a potential one to me, it's just a burden and reminder that former relationship was based on a big fat lie. Plus, being pregnant makes me even more anxious than the thought of being pregnant ever did, and I was full-on tokophobic before. Every time I think about having my body being overtaken by some disgusting little alien creature, my heart starts pounding and I get dizzy. I don't know how many times I've thrown up on cue just thinking about it, and it's not from morning sickness. I also really, really, really dislike babies, contrary to my ex's assumptions. I had one shoved at me when I was a teenager, and I nearly dropped it because everything about it terrified me. I don't think it's a good idea to just hope that those maternal hormones kick in and make me suddenly like kids when I haven't since as long as I can remember. So...no congratulations needed, and no pro-life or pro-adoption rants, either. If you'd find it in your heart to suck it up and make the best of this situation, good for you. The best situation for me is to put everything about this horrible experience behind me as soon as possible.
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I'm so sorry op, drop him immediately. As for the pregnancy.. Look into your choices and figure out what's best for you. Don't let people force you into any of the options. I believe planned parenthood or something similar provides counseling on options and they try to help find what's best for you.
Just be careful if you go to a religious organization for counseling, OP. Do your own research on abortion if that is something you are considering. Sometimes religious organizations will set up crisis centers for women with unwanted pregnancies and will give you misinformation about abortion.
I would definitely dump him and check with a lawyer about that if I were you. If you're against abortion, put the baby up for adoption and rub his face in it every chance you get.
You can absolutely sue him and press charges. This was a serious violation of your rights as a human. contact a lawyer. Go to the police.
You can sue and press charges, most likely you'll have to pay the legal fees and nothing will happen. He'll say he told you before and you can't prove he didn't. If she has the child she can get child support but a lot of people with child support problems around here just get their bosses to pay them under the table or as "independent contractors" which means you can't garnish their wages. The government will handle a lot of the support needs but it's not really enough. It's a messed up system and they just keep doing it.
There's nothing people can say here OP... I'm very phobic about pregnancy and kids too, and I DONT love babies at all! I can't imagine what I'd do in your position. Good luck..
That's completely ****** up... and as I read it I said to myself that is such a Michigan thing to do to someone and sure enough... I'm not saying all guys here are like that just that I've met way too many since I've moved here who are EXACTLY that guy. And that guy also believes you're cool with being one of his baby momas, he can just come by when it's cool and if he gives you $10 this month for diapers/medication/anything that means something special in bed. Good luck, think things through, and don't make any plans on keeping a piece of shit like him around.
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Show it anywayI agree that people lie, but you should be able to trust your significant other. I have an IUD and my fiancé trusts that I am not lying to him. We both trust that neither one of us are sleeping around to give the other an std. What is the point in being in any type of relationship if you assume the other person is going to lie to you and wrong you? OP: do what you feel is best and ignore any judgement. It is a very terrifying and lonely thing you are going through. I wish you well in whatever decision you make.
I would agree if this was a casual relationship or a hook up, but it seems like they were dating exclusively. You should absolutely be able to trust your partner, and if they betray that trust it's their fault, not OP's :/
And nether birth control nor condoms ever guarantee you protection from STDs or pregnancy, so that's not exactly a 100% way to prevent those things from happening
I'd say get an abortion but that sounds like awful advice. Best thing to do is have the kid and give them up for adoption.
Why is an abortion an awful idea?
I'm the OP, and I'm with 51. Going through eight more months of extreme stress instead of getting a procedure I can have done easily sounds like a much worse idea to me.
ladyg228
15
Adoption is the terrible idea! Why bring a life into this world that your not gonna care for and expect someone else to do that when there are already an abundance of children who need to be adopted?
Redgy22
26
51, Holy crap! I'm 47 & would be devastated if this happened to me. I'm childless by choice, but have wonderful step kids. At this age, child rearing is far from desirable. Also, you have to consider the increased possibilities of birth defects when you have a late in life pregnancy. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Him saying he had one, and then lying when you got pregnant is just as illegal as having sex with someone and not telling them you have HIV. It may be hard since you love him, but don't let him walk over you and ruin your personal boundaries and life. You should seriously talk to someone (counseling) and decide what you want to do -- Make sure he is not with you when you decide/counsel. He's already manipulated you; don't let him be your reasoning in the future.
He obviously has no morals and women are nothing more than a place for him to enjoy himself
By all means, have an abortion. Bearing an unwanted child to term is pointless and cruel (yes, I'm not american). But first, you need to dump him.
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Honestly whatever you did as a response, he deserved it. Relationships should be built on trust not lies. FYL
Good for you, OP! Not every woman has that maternal instinct, and if you didn't have the drive to have kids before you got pregnant, chances are slim it will kick in after. You have done the responsible thing by not bringing a life into the world that you do not want. Two things I would like to mention: copper IUD may be a good option for you. It lasts 10 years and is non-hormonal. I've had mine for three years and it really is no-maintenance birth control that actually works. Second, no matter how sure you are that abortion is right, it can bring up some psychological distress after. If you find yourself getting depressed, please know this is normal. It may be beneficial to seek short-term counseling afterwards. Hell, just what your boyfriend put you through could warrant a few sessions. Its incredibly helpful. Good luck in all you do! <3