Intimacy: Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed,...

By owmyhead - 21/08/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 114

You deserved it 49 650

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Same thing different taste

By tubby - 21/06/2012 20:28 - Sweden - Karlskrona

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 338

You deserved it 3 637

By shenmas - 08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 356

You deserved it 264

Tactical

By Anonymous - 10/10/2023 18:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered the hard way that training in martial arts means nothing when the thug harassing your wife at the bar has a mate stood behind you ready, willing, and able to kick you square in the balls with a toe-capped work boot while you’re getting into your correct fighting stance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 355

Fight like hell

By Glass Joe - 23/05/2022 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I learned that kicking an armed mugger's ass is something that only happens in movies, and that brass knuckles are really fucking painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 285

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 11:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 727

You deserved it 12 571

By NeverDrinkingAgain - 09/12/2010 12:31 - Canada

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 700

You deserved it 43 794

Parental love

By Anonymous - 15/04/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my toxic daughter learned that yelling at a biker chick won’t just get her an argument, it will get her several broken bones and a concussion. The FML is that I now have to take care of her with her broken leg for six weeks. I hate her; she’s such a bitch to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 318

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By Anonymous - 30/03/2013 05:23 - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 820

You deserved it 3 447

High school drama

By never again - 27/09/2023 20:00

Today, I asked a girl from class out. Not only did she say, "Ew, no way, never, creepo!", but four hours later her boyfriend, who I didn't know about, threatened me with a gun if I ever even looked at his girl again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 121

iAmScrubs 19

Sunday 21 August 2011 9:21

Something tells me that she was the one giving the orders in bed.

jobo50123 3

Sunday 21 August 2011 9:20

Why didn't you just call her back?

Comments

bubo_fml 10

Monday 22 August 2011 23:51

Are you sure it was a chick after such a quick, hit it & quit it, 1 nite stand? Sounds like you may end up like that blonde twink on the back of Toecutter's motorcycle in Mad Max!!

bubo_fml 10

Tuesday 23 August 2011 1:33

Sounds like she's pretty manly...Watch out dude, or you may wind up like that blonde twink on the back of Toecutter's motorcycle in the Mad Max movie!