Kids: Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the...

By emergencyroom - 15/03/2014 12:21 - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 469

You deserved it 9 394

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Same thing different taste

Confused

By ohhhemmgee - 06/09/2012 06:39 - United States - Reno

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 763

You deserved it 29 432

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 313

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 355

You deserved it 5 254

By TheComputerGuy96 - 22/05/2010 07:56 - Italy

Today, I was locked out of my house. After hours of trying to break the door, I found out I accidentally left a window open. The door, however, still needs to be replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 616

You deserved it 32 613

Let 'em in

By knoppad - 13/06/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 849

You deserved it 51 121

Call the Midwife-slash-Locksmith

By mama bear - 16/10/2019 18:00

Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 14/05/2013 17:03 - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 188

You deserved it 20 276

Stuck

By Chub - 27/10/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 182

You deserved it 8 685

By ScaredDad - 02/05/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 865

You deserved it 256

This is terrible!

By Baddad - 24/11/2019 20:00

Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 1 122

tpm45 25

Saturday 15 March 2014 15:55

Hey, at least she'd have been safe if it was an intruder.

ksktwin84 14

Saturday 15 March 2014 15:55

She had a metal rake inside?

Comments

WCARlover 34

Saturday 15 March 2014 16:21

*back door joke*

vlalam 24

Saturday 15 March 2014 16:28

She is set for life... Great job raising her!!!

tranced_ 45

Saturday 15 March 2014 16:30

you could've knocked instead of being knocked!

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 15 March 2014 16:38

Get well soon...but you had a badass daughter I would be proud

LordMegatron 10

Saturday 15 March 2014 16:41

the next hit girl!

gracefs 11

Saturday 15 March 2014 16:45

You've done a great job a raising her!

doglover100 28

Saturday 15 March 2014 16:49

Why didn't you knock on the door?

KptKorn 6

Saturday 15 March 2014 17:14

I would actually be pretty happy about the fact that my 7-year-old is able to defend herself against an intruder.

nitrog100 21

Saturday 15 March 2014 17:35

Neat. You've raised yourself a fine daughter.

radrahrachel 7

Saturday 15 March 2014 17:43

What a badass little girl.

Keywords

Awkward Sleep Miscellaneous Television Love Weddings Money Annoying Transportation Relatable Snow Kids Family Pregnancy Mental health Empathy Toxic Food Gamers Argument Cats Animals Valentine's Day Gross Health Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Drugs Music

The Top

Today, I was out with friends, A girl approached me out of nowhere and gave me a peck on the cheek, then yelled to my friend, "I kissed him, where's that drink you promised?" only for him to equally loudly reply, "I said I'd buy you a drink to TALK to him." Apparently, even bribery isn't enough for a woman to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 111

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6 a.m. to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 033

You deserved it 2 760

The Top

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 424

You deserved it 3 491

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 644

You deserved it 36 738

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I agree, your life sucks 78 792

You deserved it 3 432

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 217

You deserved it 53 269

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 506

You deserved it 4 657

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 5 411

Same thing different taste

Confused

I don't know my strength

Stuck

Let 'em in

Call the Midwife-slash-Locksmith

Stuck

This is terrible!

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