Miscellaneous: Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend... - FML

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 05:01 - Canada - Lansdowne

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 129

You deserved it 4 763

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By gassygirlfriend - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Nampa

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 371

You deserved it 5 275

By methane overload - 19/01/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 218

You deserved it 3 833

By DMStarsky - 21/10/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 586

You deserved it 4 710

By Jimseagoon - 03/09/2018 20:30

Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 851

You deserved it 443

By Aphrodite - 23/01/2010 21:13 - France

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 143

You deserved it 7 743

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 437

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 050

You deserved it 3 908

By ThisIsMyLife - 04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 561

You deserved it 1 618

Hiking is so much fun!

By Sacho - 24/10/2019 20:00

Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 171

The runs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 04:58

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 529

Next

Top comments

ThatTennisKid14 13

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:04

That takes "shitty sex life" to a whole new level

BreM16 23

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:07

Oh my.. I bet she felt really bad! Well I guess now you guys could take a shower together instead

Comments

sezwhooo 7

Thursday 4 June 2015 14:49

wht I want to know is why did you lay there while she had a shartpalooza on ur tummy? secret shart fetish perhaps hmmmm...?

mustangbravo 27

Thursday 4 June 2015 16:38

You tried to be the good bf at least.

Daevas 18

Thursday 4 June 2015 17:29

I really like the wording on this FML.

cjfred 13

Thursday 4 June 2015 17:34

You're lucky it didn't escalate, OP. If she'd eaten enough Taco Bell, you could have been seriously injured in the resulting Shartnado.

AlpacasInTopHats 11

Thursday 4 June 2015 18:46

Maybe don't force her to stay there if she's trying to get away to go to the bathroom like my boyfriend did. I didn't have the runs but I needed to pee really bad and almost pissed my pants.

Miss_Mandi 29

Sunday 7 June 2015 11:15

I almost ended up like OP's girlfriend once, because of what #97 described. Go easy on her, she must be feeling like she'll never live it down, and don't tease her about it.

samlovesham1234 9

Thursday 4 June 2015 21:15

Ewwww!!!

Saraishi 24

Friday 5 June 2015 9:30

Eeeewwwwwww. OP, no! Ewwwww.

ilanie04 16

Friday 5 June 2015 20:12

oh god ew

Rosemarypr 8

Sunday 7 June 2015 7:17

I feel worse for your girlfriend.

jezka374 15

Friday 12 June 2015 5:12

I feel bad for the chick... You can wash the shit off... She's got to live with the fact that she was the one who did that... Embarrassing for her! Poor girl!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 315

Today, I took a very expensive flight to New York City for a job interview. I waited in my hotel room all day for the phone call to go to my once in a lifetime interview. By noon, I was nervous; eight, I was pissed. Around ten, I realized my phone was still in airplane mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 555

You deserved it 23 502

The Top

Today, I have an HR meeting to discuss my team's performance. This is the same HR that refuses to hire more people because my department is full. The same HR that complains when tasks are completed late due to the team being overworked, yet refuses to take any suggestions. How do you give feedback to people like this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 74

Today, my roommate decided to go on a group trip instead of paying our water bill. Now I can't shower until next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 026

You deserved it 1 584

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 659

You deserved it 12 090

Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find for the last 2 weeks in my mom's closet. When I asked why she had them, she said she felt the concert was inappropriate for me so she hid them. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 305

You deserved it 6 641

Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 055

You deserved it 3 713

Today, I tried to organise my closet by colour-coding my clothes. In the process, I accidentally knocked over a shelf, creating an avalanche of mismatched shoes. I now have a closet that looks like it barely survived an earthquake in Selfridges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 242