Intimacy: Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All... - FML

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 735

You deserved it 5 944

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 410

You deserved it 9 429

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 675

You deserved it 9 515

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Spicy

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 224

You deserved it 3 491

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 953

You deserved it 6 207

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 864

You deserved it 19 644

By alf - 27/10/2008 02:34 - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 887

You deserved it 7 259

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 834

You deserved it 6 346

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 419

You deserved it 761

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 922

You deserved it 6 674

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 321

You deserved it 644

Next

Top comments

emilyyy_fml 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 12:30

that's definitely a good thing, dude

WhatThePhuc 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 6:19

i believe that's a good review, not a bad one

Comments

emilyyy_fml 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 12:30

that's definitely a good thing, dude

teotsi 28

Thursday 24 July 2014 18:17

Maybe he thought that what was drool was her vaginal liquids?

Rubyduby 8

Thursday 28 August 2014 6:43

Definitely not an fml, way to go

WhatThePhuc 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 6:19

i believe that's a good review, not a bad one

Haelous 0

Monday 9 February 2009 21:54

This is the anti-FML.

genius_man16 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:33

Agreed. Really, who would honestly think this is a bad thing?

blah_blah_shity 0

Friday 13 February 2009 4:14

HAHA you whiny terd.

SoFaded80 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 1:00

hahahahahahahahaha

mnkit 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 5:57

i only drool after a rockin ******!

McLaughlane 0

Friday 27 February 2009 10:06

yeah, lol, that was supposed to be a compliment.

samisalsa 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:12

Definitely a compliment!

alplhawolf0019 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 5:41

If by "**** My Life" you mean "**** YES, my life!" then okay. If by "**** my Life" you mean "My life sucks" go to another emocorner, scene kid, because if you're sad about this, you probably don't deserve this. :P lol

omgbeckyyy 0

Friday 6 March 2009 7:33

Yeah, I don't get where the bad part comes in, exactly?

Arj_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 15:26

good job dude!!!! your life isnt ******!!

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight

The Top

Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 1 294

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 63

The Top

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 114

You deserved it 7 776

Today, I found the perfect position on the couch, both feet up comfortably and my two cats curled up in my lap. Then, my foot started to itch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 247

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 523

You deserved it 4 564

Today, I found out that my boss was actually legally obligated to send me to the hospital after I was hit on the head while working. I had to finish the entire work day while heavily concussed, and by the time I got to the ER I had lost complete feeling in my right side. They asked me to come in the day after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 104

Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 893

You deserved it 2 408

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 327

You deserved it 2 638