Health: Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

By mary - 21/02/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 856

You deserved it 9 140

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Same thing different taste

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 077

You deserved it 34 033

By Heyme - 09/12/2008 13:50 - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 382

You deserved it 6 728

Butterfingers

By heeeeeyitsbrittney - 09/05/2019 08:00

Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 358

By Chicketi - 11/02/2009 14:45 - Canada

Today, I cut myself on a band-aid box, while trying to get one out for another cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 988

You deserved it 8 240

Put it away

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 986

By Jaws - 10/02/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 776

You deserved it 38 592

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 1 795

Heavy session last night?

By TaintedL0v3 - 11/03/2020 12:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I woke up with Chocolate Buttons superglued to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 222

By irony - 16/08/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 942

You deserved it 9 372

Gotta have it

By kp. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 992

You deserved it 59 178

FiasCudi 0

Tuesday 21 February 2012 18:48

how did you manage that?

CrimsonViolets 11

Tuesday 21 February 2012 18:50

"chocolate rain"... ow ****!

Comments

KittyHawkMarch 29

Monday 9 April 2012 22:06

mmmmh...bloody chocolate XD

JTorres8 6

Wednesday 30 May 2012 7:30

Challenge accepted!!

loverainyday 0

Tuesday 31 July 2012 17:17

Bull shit

wiifan013 9

Thursday 9 August 2012 3:16

Wtf. Ur a spaz lol

Sally2dicks21 8

Sunday 18 November 2012 9:04

What was in the chocolate? o.O

ForeverFat 12

Sunday 16 June 2013 19:26

YDI...for being in idiot!

deemarie13 14

Saturday 5 April 2014 21:39

How?!?!?!

JerryThePenguin 4

Wednesday 24 September 2014 16:17

How the **** did you manage that?

year2015 11

Wednesday 14 January 2015 5:22

I think now i'll actually listen to my mom when she tells me to check my halloween candy.

Violet_Embers95 22

Monday 2 February 2015 20:09

That's worse than the time I cut my hand with a spoon

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Fat Bodyshaming Customers Love Am I overreacting? Facebook Social Media AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 973

You deserved it 2 303

Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 90

The Top

Today, I had to explain to two different educated adults - one with an IT background and one pure maths Master - that dystopian literature is not an accurate historical record of the Middle Ages. Somebody get STEM majors some humanities… FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 165

Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 139

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 378

You deserved it 5 854

Today, in our family group chat, my sister-in-law asked me what I got my new girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. Not long after, my brother called me pissed off about me making him look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 87

Today, my mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly, made passive aggressive comments to my kids in front of me about how we need a bigger place to live, and asked questions about our income. We're actually trying to move soon, and just hadn't told them yet so they wouldn't try to follow us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 84

Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 451

You deserved it 174