By mukduk - 16/03/2015 12:26 - United States - Chattanooga
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mukduk tells us more.
Hello all, OP here. Just clearing things up. Seems I'm getting a lot of conflicting opinions. Some say "FYL, he's abusive, run away!" while others say "YDI because you should've known him better". Others seem to be in between. Well this might clear things up. My boyfriend is a total neat freak. No, he does not have OCD, he just hates messy things. He also just bought a bunch of new, shiny, modern, don't-defile-it-with-your-filthy-hands furniture recently, so he's being extra annoying about it. I, myself, am not as clean as him. I classify myself as someone who only cleans when it's needed. He cleans every. Single. Time. Before moving in, he said "when you get here, we'll have to discuss some rules" which I agreed to. I had a few rules in mind such as "put down the toilet seat" or "replace the toilet paper when it runs out" (now that I think about it, it was more bathroom rules than anything). When I got there, I thought we'd sit down and talk about it. Apparently that's not what he meant by "discuss". So no, I was not expecting the paper, but considering his cleaning habits, I probably should have. Here's an example of the rules he had: "1) NEVER eat in bed. Seriously. 2) Female products are to be thrown in a trash receptacle outside. 3) Wash the dishes before placing them in the dish washer." Yes, these do seem kind of ridiculous. Which is why I asked if it was just a joke. There were a lot of other rules as well, I think a total of 50 something? After reading them all, I had to sit him down and make a few compromises. The rules are a lot less strict now and I threw a few in there myself. He's actually a great guy, just loves to clean. I guess that's an upside right? Anyways, thanks to those supporting me. And thanks for reading this little novel I wrote. -mukduk (sorry my username has nothing to do with my FML, but it's a reference from the Office, so I think that'll suffice)
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I'm curious, is he OCD or OCPD? I could totally see myself doing this but only because if things are too messy it makes me anxious. Of course, I usually just clean up after my partner since he's tired after work and I'm a student. I don't see what's wrong with the list if it involved being clean, however, it comes off as extremely controlling and patronizing. Perhaps discuss that him enforcing rules on your is demeaning?
At least you know he will pick up after himself and there will never be an argument over cleanliness
Not okay. He should have discussed that with you and let you put down your rules too. Because when you moved in it became your shared home, no matter if he lived there first or not.
starcaller17
16
I'm honestly doing this if I ever move in with someone.
A much better approach would be to actually have a conversation and develop a list of rules together that you both agree to follow.
TomeDr
24
Follow up with a list of your rules for him. Make sure you include "respect for each other" on that list.
saffy66
34
This is something you should have talked over before agreeing to move in. I guess you know that now. Trust me, a clean and tidy man is a plus, so long as he isn't overbearing with it. Does he have reason to suspect you are a slob, or is he just trying to avoid battles later? It's not a bad thing, but it should be open to negotiation and you should be able to add some rules of your own. And his timing is poor. You don't wait till he person moves in before trying to impose rules. Those rules weren't in effect when you agreed to move in. If you can live with the rules, fine. But check the fine print. What happens if you slip up, and how great an infraction does it take? Will he yell and throw you out the door for one drop of water on the bathroom mirror, or will it take a lot more than that? I'd be interested to hear the follow up.
it's important to know whether you can live with such habits or rules before moving in: it's unfair that he can't live his normal life with you around, or you with him around.
....does your name happen to be Amy?
ontheburge
11
Is his name Sheldon?
Sheldon would have got the rules signed before Op shifted. This is plain rude. OP, power games have begun.Suit up!
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Lots of couples have rules like this. At least he wants to have a clean house, unlike lots of other men
Pro: he's not a slob Con: he's sounds overbearing