Intimacy: Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never...

By theish - 04/02/2011 14:08

Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 105

You deserved it 7 013

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 16:05 - Germany - Kerpen

Today, I wanted to top up my shower gel dispenser. After carefully squeezing the entire tube into the dispenser, I realized why it looked so white: I'd mixed the remaining shower gel with the entire tube of fancy, expensive, organic body lotion that my grandma had given me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 1 753

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

By cole66 - 29/11/2015 18:43 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 570

You deserved it 3 173

Caught red handed

By scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10 - United States

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 3 054

By Perpetually F-ed. - 17/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 367

You deserved it 9 328

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 31/03/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 905

You deserved it 4 584

Drink it instead!

By SpitBreathe - 25/10/2020 14:00 - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I found out why the amount of mouthwash hasn't been decreasing much recently when I walked in on my dad using it and then spitting some of it back in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 76

Morning pick-me-up

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 965

You deserved it 8 665

By redeye - 19/09/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 681

You deserved it 2 459

W.T.F.

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 06:00

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 115

You deserved it 614

ROFLBERRYPIE 0

Friday 4 February 2011 19:11

Better check your toothpaste.

uberletepoon 10

Friday 4 February 2011 19:15

check your sunscreen in the summer too. unless you like SPF 69

Comments

RebekahBrooke 9

Wednesday 15 June 2011 5:21

wow. you're kinda stupid. there'd be a difference.

nativebabe 4

Tuesday 5 July 2011 17:05

FYL

amarv01 1

Saturday 9 July 2011 5:07

omg kill him! nr but id b way pissed

weezy143_fml 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 5:49

ew thats flippin nasty..

Lennes 12

Thursday 21 July 2011 2:31

Would you reccomend that for a certain type of hair?

LullzKitteh 1

Friday 4 November 2011 0:05

God, I hope ur a guy. it's gross either way, but even worse if ur female. :/

LullzKitteh 1

Friday 4 November 2011 0:06

Raaaaaaanch!

NinjaNinja2211 1

Monday 12 December 2011 0:56

...Oh my god, why would they do something like that????

zolson 0

Tuesday 27 December 2011 4:52

why would a Guy put his cumulative in his sisters gel? wtf

MMA_Canada92 7

Wednesday 28 March 2012 21:08

Just wait till they are asleep...

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 651

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 144

The Top

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 2 447

Today, after work, I parked in the parking lot I go to every day to let heavy traffic go by. As I was about to leave, two cops suddenly yanked me out of the car and arrested me for "stocking," as they spelled it on the report. Some paranoid girl thought I was parking there every day to watch her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 660

You deserved it 3 753

Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 642

You deserved it 3 071

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 332

You deserved it 4 005

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my boss why the flowers I got her for her birthday the other day were in the conference room and not her office. She told me she was allergic to them and she had such a bad reaction that it made her go home early. I made my boss sick on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 955

You deserved it 1 354

Today, I found out my husband has been flirting with and dating behind my back the nurse who treats my cancer. He admitted that he needs someone healthy and not someone who’s “gonna be sick all the time.” He also attempted to justify it by saying, “You’re gonna die anyway and then what am I gonna do?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 147