Intimacy: Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with...

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 922

You deserved it 7 674

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 288

You deserved it 4 744

By ...thanks honey - 18/08/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 611

You deserved it 15 047

Jumping to conclusions

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 756

You deserved it 3 572

Turn it off

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 06:00

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 168

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said, "Right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 768

You deserved it 5 060

By canispankthat - 01/10/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 721

You deserved it 4 867

Classic dude moment

By Two hundred down - 06/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 266

By Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 238

You deserved it 7 774

By lollipopp56 - 26/03/2009 06:09 - Canada

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149 359

You deserved it 13 806

DonkeyTeeth2013 22

Saturday 28 June 2014 5:51

His priorities are straight.

jad0016 12

Saturday 28 June 2014 5:52

Haha well Doritos are pretty damn good

Comments

Franken_Shteen 1

Monday 30 June 2014 20:06

No way...are you getting his Doritos.

wendycorrea 4

Thursday 3 July 2014 10:53

this should be a commercial lol

syed121417 22

Thursday 3 July 2014 15:30

I would personally choose Doritos over sex, so I see where he's coming from. Come back later and try again

Crazed_Yeti 0

Friday 4 July 2014 2:44

This would be such a great Doritos commercial...

NaughtyRose596 3

Sunday 6 July 2014 4:57

I laughed way too hard at this. xD

hateredblast 7

Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:53

Well... you chose him for a husband! You got no one to blame but yourself :/

SavingAbigales 1

Wednesday 9 July 2014 5:37

Now, if that happened, I wouldn't get mad, I would just sit next to him and join him in eating the Doritos...I mean, who can deny Doritos?

SirTimtastic 6

Thursday 10 July 2014 17:40

Probably watching the world cup.

The_4th_Doctor 13

Sunday 13 July 2014 0:04

Maybe this can be the new Doritos commercial!

smartpants1014 9

Thursday 18 September 2014 1:15

There's a new Doritos commercial right there

Keywords

Love Surprise Cute Awkward My ex Texting Intimacy Sex Wanker Health Insomnia Sleep Mental health Cooking Food Parents Weekend Kids Pranks Annoying Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Animals Pizza

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The Top

Today, I went to the dentist to get a baby tooth which had decayed removed. After almost an hour, I came out with a numb mouth and a missing tooth for life. It was not a baby tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 6 528

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouted, "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 384

You deserved it 3 853

Today, I found out the medication my doctor gave me for depression is making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 218

Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML

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You deserved it 2 088

Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their favourite influencer was. Someone replied, without knowing it doesn’t come up anonymously, “Not you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 2 228

Today, I had a doctor's appointment because I've recently lost weight. I'm already underweight, and I was concerned because the weight loss has been causing some other health concerns to worsen. My doctor's exact words of advice? "Eating food usually leads to weight gain." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 828

You deserved it 353