Intimacy: Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Spicy

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 930

You deserved it 7 677

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Same thing different taste

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 306

You deserved it 4 750

Smooth talking

By ...thanks honey - 18/08/2010 06:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 621

You deserved it 15 055

Jumping to conclusions

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Spicy

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 773

You deserved it 3 573

Turn it off

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 06:00

Spicy

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 171

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 08:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said, "Right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 770

You deserved it 5 061

By canispankthat - 01/10/2010 11:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 727

You deserved it 4 870

Classic dude moment

By Two hundred down - 06/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 275

By Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 246

You deserved it 7 781

By lollipopp56 - 26/03/2009 06:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149 371

You deserved it 13 808

Next

Top comments

DonkeyTeeth2013 22

Saturday 28 June 2014 5:51

His priorities are straight.

jad0016 12

Saturday 28 June 2014 5:52

Haha well Doritos are pretty damn good

Comments

loller3 4

Saturday 28 June 2014 20:19

Doritos > a fatty

sassypenguinxox 15

Saturday 28 June 2014 20:34

Lol this sounds like a Doritos Super Bowl commercial

ThymastarGT 11

Saturday 28 June 2014 21:23

Next Super Bowl commercial!

TheEggman431 3

Saturday 28 June 2014 21:25

New Doritos commercial?

martin8337 35

Saturday 28 June 2014 21:50

Adios, Doritos, That's just me.

Futacy 29

Saturday 28 June 2014 22:30

Never get between a man and his Doritos.

Thi3fstheme 9

Saturday 28 June 2014 23:12

Where you live? Guys on here will take care of you

rogerover 19

Saturday 28 June 2014 23:28

WTF Mate?!

gennyv 29

Sunday 29 June 2014 2:02

This seems like it can be a commercial for Doritos.

JiveHaddock 1

Sunday 29 June 2014 2:49

This should be the next Doritos commercial.

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Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Am I overreacting? Sex Intimacy Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration ADHD Dogs Animals Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, I finally got an interview for the job I want. The interviewer looked at my resumé and asked, "So, what have you been doing for the past 10 years?" I guess binge-watching Netflix wasn't the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 119

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 121

The Top

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 979

You deserved it 8 985

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 418

You deserved it 2 090

Today, Geico called to tell me they were canceling my insurance. Someone I don't know got pulled over for drunk-driving and the police wrote down my license plate number instead by accident. Although the DMV says they cleared everything up, Geico still won't believe it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 728

You deserved it 290

Today, I was promoted as an auditor at an insurance company. After finding 9 compliance violations and over $15,000 returned incorrectly, I reported them to my manager. She blamed me for all the mistakes and fired me. These mistakes happened two years before I was employed with the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 136

Today, a lady came in screaming at me, demanding to see my manager and asked for the “corporate office” phone number. She had received a letter from the IRS stating that she owes $8,000. She threatened to “sue me dry” if I didn’t “take the charges off.” I simply man the front desk at the tax services office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 90

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 758

You deserved it 6 449