Intimacy: Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Spicy

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 956

You deserved it 6 304

St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! More…

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Same thing different taste

By ShitFaced - 01/03/2012 11:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 099

You deserved it 21 622

Rollercoaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 1 787

By tequilashot - 20/09/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 626

You deserved it 4 831

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Spicy

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 807

You deserved it 40 513

By Anonymous - 02/10/2010 04:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 447

You deserved it 41 321

By Fartini - 07/11/2016 06:47

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 259

You deserved it 2 439

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 922

You deserved it 51 000

By brokedick - 12/12/2011 06:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 397

You deserved it 4 092

By sos - 17/01/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 255

You deserved it 4 723

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 2 046

Next

Top comments

doctorr_fml 9

Friday 25 October 2013 8:21

Stay drunk and take a Viagra

daniel_dd31 13

Friday 25 October 2013 10:05

I don't know if mixing Viagra with alcohol is a good idea.

Comments

jpest17 5

Friday 8 November 2013 5:51

Find your happy medium?

TimeLord9811 4

Saturday 8 February 2014 8:02

I think that's with every man lol you'll be fine

7madbiker5 0

Sunday 16 February 2014 9:55

Quit trying to do it drunk. Take a few vicodin or percocet an hour before dropping your pants. Works great, especially with a new chick you're shocked said yes because she's out of your league.

owencgray 10

Thursday 14 August 2014 4:17

how are you when stoned?

bazookajoey 27

Thursday 8 October 2015 20:46

You sound like my ex!

Berber260 14

Friday 11 December 2015 0:50

It's normal to not get a ferm erection while drunk.

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The Top

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 216

You deserved it 9 456

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 558

You deserved it 13 722

The Top

Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 152

Today, I found out that when I thought the bullying had finally stopped, the bullies had actually been sponsored to be nice for charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 259

You deserved it 2 739

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 769

You deserved it 6 322

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 170

You deserved it 4 041

Today, I've been requesting to use my days off for months, but my boss would turn it down because of emergencies that required my presence (90% of the time it didn’t). Now it’s the end of year and he yelled at me for not using my days off, because it made him look bad to corporate. Asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 95

Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 223