Work: Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker...

By Jonas - 06/06/2012 05:00 - United States - Wimberley

Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 387

You deserved it 4 224

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Same thing different taste

Am I being detained?

By PackingSpaceHeat - 11/10/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 374

You deserved it 3 324

By Angrily Paranoid - 06/10/2013 05:29 - United States - Seattle

Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 871

You deserved it 6 215

Customers from hell

By natalie the witch - 13/10/2022 22:00

Today, while stocking the shelves, a customer demanded I ring up his stuff. I’m not a cashier and therefore don’t have a login code to do so, so I told him as such. He then pulled out a knife and threatened to stab me if I didn’t ring him up. I’m currently writing this from the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 93

Domestic bliss

By Emma - 08/12/2015 17:23 - United States

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 303

You deserved it 1 581

By cabatt - 13/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 981

Paranoia

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 00:00 - Australia

Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 296

Perv'

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 14:00

Today, someone tried to rob my boss's store and I had a knife held to my neck. That’s not the FML. The FML is that, for some reason, it excited me and I got a boner. The thief told me I was all kinds of messed up and left without stealing anything. My god, I’m some kind of freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 620

You deserved it 239

By lalala - 14/06/2011 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 872

You deserved it 3 701

Kitchen Nightmares

By just the tip, though - 28/01/2014 17:06 - United States - Grovetown

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 030

You deserved it 11 937

By notahero - 09/01/2015 04:40 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 331

You deserved it 2 622

KK3137 31

Wednesday 6 June 2012 11:54

Well that's not knife..

br0ccoli 14

Wednesday 6 June 2012 11:56

If your gut told you he's dangerous, your paranoia might actually be true. I feel like people's gut feeling is THE 6th sense an not listening will screw you over, especially of he minces onions angrily.

Comments

bazingabitches 17

Wednesday 6 June 2012 22:56

Who the fork said it was supposed to be knife?!

daydreamer244 13

Wednesday 6 June 2012 23:47

Maybe it's time for a career change?

SuperGirlTaDa 15

Thursday 7 June 2012 7:57

Lol I do that, with more than one thing. If I'm driving and someone is driving dangerously near me, I think of ways I can avoid being hit.

ucoolgirl31 20

Friday 8 June 2012 16:08

Happens to me after watching a marathon of csi, ncis, etc.

blakeford 5

Wednesday 8 August 2012 22:10

Lol. I walk in rooms and think of ways to stop any attacks. Or to kill them if I have to. I probably play too many video games.Don't go all Rambo on them k tiger. Stop playing mw3. k crazy. lol Jk.

Thehobbitlass 0

Monday 22 June 2015 8:06

I think yours is pretty normal. I mean, I cannot sleep without holding something sharp underneath my pillow and checking the locks at least 5 times. I momentarily panic when going up and down the stairs. I try to avoid being in public places. My paranoia pretty much ***** up my entire life