Work: Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker...

By Jonas - 06/06/2012 05:00 - United States - Wimberley

Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 383

You deserved it 4 224

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Same thing different taste

Am I being detained?

By PackingSpaceHeat - 11/10/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 372

You deserved it 3 324

By Angrily Paranoid - 06/10/2013 05:29 - United States - Seattle

Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 869

You deserved it 6 214

Customers from hell

By natalie the witch - 13/10/2022 22:00

Today, while stocking the shelves, a customer demanded I ring up his stuff. I’m not a cashier and therefore don’t have a login code to do so, so I told him as such. He then pulled out a knife and threatened to stab me if I didn’t ring him up. I’m currently writing this from the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 92

Domestic bliss

By Emma - 08/12/2015 17:23 - United States

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 300

You deserved it 1 581

By cabatt - 13/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 219

You deserved it 978

Paranoia

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 00:00 - Australia

Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 295

Perv'

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 14:00

Today, someone tried to rob my boss's store and I had a knife held to my neck. That’s not the FML. The FML is that, for some reason, it excited me and I got a boner. The thief told me I was all kinds of messed up and left without stealing anything. My god, I’m some kind of freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 238

By lalala - 14/06/2011 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 868

You deserved it 3 701

Kitchen Nightmares

By just the tip, though - 28/01/2014 17:06 - United States - Grovetown

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 024

You deserved it 11 935

By notahero - 09/01/2015 04:40 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 330

You deserved it 2 622

KK3137 31

Wednesday 6 June 2012 11:54

Well that's not knife..

br0ccoli 14

Wednesday 6 June 2012 11:56

If your gut told you he's dangerous, your paranoia might actually be true. I feel like people's gut feeling is THE 6th sense an not listening will screw you over, especially of he minces onions angrily.

Comments

LuxAeterna_fml 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 12:05

"You call that a knife?"

GodPart2 20

Wednesday 6 June 2012 12:06

Ask yourself... what would Chuck Norris do? :)

greenie213 23

Wednesday 6 June 2012 14:47

Destroy him with a nuclear round house kick.

MisterMichael 9

Wednesday 6 June 2012 12:18

It's always good to have a plan no matter where you are.

hazins 2

Wednesday 6 June 2012 12:22

I never thought my paranoia was bad until I realized I would have done the same thing.

nofearjenshere 12

Wednesday 6 June 2012 18:59

Me too. I am terrified of knives. Don't know why but I always have been. I could never work in a kitchen.

PAZ5037 2

Wednesday 6 June 2012 12:27

I think you should maybe stop smoking as much weed, that might help lol

Roflsauruz 12

Wednesday 6 June 2012 15:26

Hurr hurr hurrrrrrrr...

thesubconscious 9

Wednesday 6 June 2012 12:28

Paranoia isn't so bad. Maybe he is actually a murderer and you could've just saved your own life

bearkat420 3

Wednesday 6 June 2012 12:29

If you suspect... RUN!!!

thiscrazything 1

Wednesday 6 June 2012 13:00

They're out to getcha, they're out to getcha.

coconutdaydream 7

Wednesday 6 June 2012 13:07

Maybe you have an anxiety disorder which causes the paranoia? I do and I thought all kinds of weird stuff until I went to the doctor and I'm all sorted now. I'm so glad I went, I thought I was crazy but it turned out to be a hormonal problem :)