Animals: Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the...

By Username - 29/07/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 957

You deserved it 6 324

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By ktwithaq - 18/10/2010 11:27 - United States

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 792

You deserved it 5 371

Follow the yellow brown road

By cat_lady - 05/04/2020 17:00

Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 327

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 15:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 180

By Jeanna S. - 23/11/2012 15:10 - United States

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 414

You deserved it 28 278

By Ew. - 09/04/2012 15:22 - United Kingdom

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 897

You deserved it 9 238

Unloveable

By sal - 27/09/2020 05:02 - Canada

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 293

By crazycat - 13/05/2011 16:23 - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 621

You deserved it 5 848

Sorry little buddy

By Sorry kitty - 23/11/2022 16:00

Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 212

Strange domestic arrangement

By Mike - 24/05/2021 13:59

Today, because I wanted to let my cat have his breakfast before I used the bathroom, which is also his dining room, I learned that when your day starts with shitting your pants, things can only get better from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 954

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 16:02 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 856

You deserved it 54 914

rocketslider 0

Friday 29 July 2011 23:14

at least he listened :')

YayorNay 8

Friday 29 July 2011 23:20

So the cat still gives a shit.

Comments

shadow33456 1

Friday 29 July 2011 23:45

you must of had a shitty day

amuck 0

Friday 29 July 2011 23:46

Get a dog, they are a lot better of a friend than a cat! and the first meal for the dog should be that worthless cat!

iparker97 0

Friday 29 July 2011 23:48

what a lovely cat

geekpowerwtf 0

Friday 29 July 2011 23:52

you told him so much shit so he needed to dump it somehow?!

HahaYDI 0

Friday 29 July 2011 23:58

That's how I end conversations too.

manbearpig7173 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 0:00

At least he gives a shit?

BaconLover5 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 0:03

Aww... what a nice kitty!

Cigar 11

Saturday 30 July 2011 0:04

If your pet is acting strange you should take a closer look at them, they might be sick or even injured.

amuck 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 0:06

shit happens I guess, damn auto correct.... oh well

chulamami916 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 0:08

And maybe with that money you earn, should you go buy a litter box for your cat to shit in so this could be avoided next time.

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Frustration Capitalism Coworkers Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Mental health Health

The Top

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 138

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 981

You deserved it 10 418

The Top

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 744

You deserved it 417

Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 374

You deserved it 6 121

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 611

You deserved it 542

Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 248

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 457

You deserved it 14 931

Today, I went to a work event and was having my picture taken with a coworker. Since we had done karaoke together, someone said we should pose like we were singing. I held my hand up like I was holding a mic and opened my mouth. It looked like I was performing a sex act. My boss glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 699

You deserved it 701