Health: Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought...

By KnuckleSandwich - 20/07/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 663

You deserved it 3 753

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Same thing different taste

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 747

You deserved it 6 902

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 460

You deserved it 3 786

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 073

You deserved it 3 961

Keep some things to yourself

By Beer - 28/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 368

By B - 18/04/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 642

You deserved it 58 256

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 148

You deserved it 49 436

Sorry sweetie

By ddhaley1 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Edmond

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 803

You deserved it 3 321

Adding insult to injury

By Fly my pretty, FLY! - 25/09/2023 02:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 151

By shoelace18 - 06/09/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 886

You deserved it 5 972

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 04:47 - United States - Norwalk

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 773

You deserved it 2 717

Poland626 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:17

Bet she was just practicing if you know what I mean ;D

UncleverName_FYL 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:21

OP can i have your daughter's number when she turns 18?

Comments

cutebebe778 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:30

LOL @ *unclevername_FYL*

TC1_fml 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:34

her bf's one lucky guy... :D

theapplekid 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:34

How'd they get it out?

facilitator 0

Sunday 6 March 2011 2:13

I've always wonderd

kira822_fml 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:36

Wow. Lol watch her become president. Then at the end of the national anthum we all stick our hands in our mouths and go to the hostpitle. Take from the poor and give to the mmmmmhmm

ForTheFuckingWin 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:47

What the **** are you talking about #16? Spell check*

Fml37 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:52

Wow 16, all I have to say is no. Just no. That was the worst fail of a joke ever.

Soggybacon 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:50

16 hostpitle, Really

nigga_please123 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:48

so did they cut her hand off or what?

ohmyerica 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:56

If they did, how would it help get her hand out? She'd just have a severed off hand stuck in her mouth, if that were the case. XD

Sadie6 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:01

Oh man, ohmyerica your comment made me laugh so hard I got caught reading FML at work... oops!

gorguz14evar 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 2:30

You can make your own FML now lol

nigga_please123 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 6:11

idk lol....

zerkabaius 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:50

anyone else try to do it after reading this or just me?

lifewithsarah 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 7:42

lmao mee!

plexico 3

Monday 20 July 2009 23:54

You should say this time you are paying, but the next orifice she gets her fist stuck in, she's on her own!

fxdxhk90 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:56

While you were at the doctor, you should have had her head examined for brain damage.

danettestrong 0

Monday 20 July 2009 23:58

awww your daughter is a smart cookie(: you must be so proud. but I'm not gonna lie I totally tried that, but chickened out when it was 3/4 of the way in.