Miscellaneous: Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with...

By Anonymous - 29/02/2012 16:52 - United States

Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 410

You deserved it 32 997

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Same thing different taste

By Username - 15/07/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 202

You deserved it 7 945

By Anonymous - 31/08/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 516

You deserved it 3 876

By thanksdad - 16/03/2014 19:28 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 820

You deserved it 6 292

By TheSublime - 21/10/2009 13:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 866

You deserved it 4 655

It hurts when I pee

By yomamma787 - 24/11/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 898

You deserved it 54 455

By romea244 - 14/08/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 661

You deserved it 27 071

By Broderick - 26/03/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 076

You deserved it 6 961

Shout the victory

By dogpatch087 - 02/01/2020 03:00 - United States - Ventura

Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 505

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 411

You deserved it 32 295

By Ouchhh - 25/05/2010 06:54 - United States

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 906

You deserved it 4 554

emeraldon 7

Wednesday 29 February 2012 18:51

Yeah, gotta love those lightning quick reflexes and how they come in handy when you really shouldnt have them.

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 29 February 2012 18:56

Yeah, those cacti are vengeful *******. Either that or you're an idiot for catching one with your bare hands. While you're at it, would you give my pet porcupine a bath? He's quite tame, I assure you.

Comments

Grand_Cookie 21

Thursday 1 March 2012 4:15

I'm sorry, but that is stupid as hell.

riptor911 10

Thursday 1 March 2012 5:24

Why the he'll would you try and catch a cactus? Let that thing hit the ground!

Mrbeaverduck 0

Thursday 1 March 2012 6:00

S.O.C (save our cacti)

linkinpark98 23

Thursday 1 March 2012 6:16

At least you gained some respect points from that cactus!

julialinn 2

Thursday 1 March 2012 6:17

Sorry that you expected it to feel like a pillow.

tdawg4200 0

Thursday 1 March 2012 6:55

End your life.

stratman58 2

Thursday 1 March 2012 7:34

This should really be written as... Today I clumsily dropped a cactus and stupidly decided to catch the spiky part.

Fantasmical 3

Thursday 1 March 2012 8:15

Good work. I am proud of you, son. /shot

NFSMax 5

Thursday 1 March 2012 8:41

Every plant is earth's child. Wish everyone's like this dude...

effron777 1

Friday 2 March 2012 3:03

Too bad you didn't get an arrow to the knee..

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 486

You deserved it 11 508

Today, after six months of doing the job of 2 people, because all my coworker does is sleep and sit down with her phone, I told my boss that I can't be doing my coworker's job and getting the same salary as her. My boss added just $10 to my salary and told me to let her carry on doing nothing, while I still do the work of 2 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 830

You deserved it 5 071

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 776

You deserved it 325

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 190

You deserved it 6 671

Today, I get a scornful look when I try to talk to my husband, let alone try to cheer him up, because he is "severely depressed." Well, unless a friend or neighbor knocks on the door, then he’s the life of the party. Right until they leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 645

You deserved it 291

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 688

You deserved it 3 590

Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 936

You deserved it 1 782

Same thing different taste

It hurts when I pee

Shout the victory

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