Kids: Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list....

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 02:45 - United States - Miami

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 021

You deserved it 4 240

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Same thing different taste

By So little trust. - 12/07/2013 23:18 - Canada - Coaldale

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 461

You deserved it 7 662

Logic 101

By Anonymous - 07/03/2020 17:01 - Canada

Today, my 17-year-old daughter didn't do the laundry. Her excuse? "If it was meant to be done, it would have done itself." This is the same daughter who yesterday tried convincing me she was responsible enough to get a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 289

By team hit bella with a car - 20/10/2014 02:20 - United States - Odenton

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 507

You deserved it 3 722

By xBubbles38 - 18/07/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 959

You deserved it 6 278

By father of the year - 01/08/2013 06:21 - United States

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 481

You deserved it 11 876

By Tweenmom - 13/04/2017 16:00

Today, my tween daughter found an exciting new book series to replace her two-year obsession with Harry Potter. Hello, Team Jacob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 738

You deserved it 548

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 257

You deserved it 531

By garage - 27/01/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 718

You deserved it 8 605

I'll make my own way

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 05:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, my daughter is too crafty for her own good: she found out I was planning on driving her to her first date to meet a boy, so she let the air out of my car tyres, removed my bike chain, and even stole my bus pass. I taught her well. Well played daughter, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 1 434

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 07:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 350

You deserved it 3 839

rekege 18

Friday 5 October 2012 9:11

She can't be saved...

tialeanne 19

Friday 5 October 2012 9:12

At least it's on her "To Do" list and not her "Already Completed" list...

Comments

cdncw 20

Thursday 14 May 2015 18:24

So, this is nearly 3 years old... Shall I go looking for the Darwin award?

legoman213579 13

Sunday 31 May 2015 23:25

Natural selection

MaccasilinMaccie 4

Tuesday 31 May 2016 5:44

You go girl! That probably doesn't sound right, but who WOULDN'T want to be saved by Edward Cullen? I mean, personally, Emmet is my FAV(Lol this has nothing to do with this comment)

Samantha Glennie 25

Saturday 23 September 2017 19:28

You failed as a parent ?

fullacrapallofyou 14

Wednesday 5 February 2020 16:54

Utter crap

IHaveThePower 16

Friday 12 November 2021 0:20

Well, it might be a good time to sit her down and teach her about goal-teaching. Maybe mention a more realistic goal might be to see the studio where they produced Twilight, or go do something up in Oregon like the Ashland Shakespeare Festival, or write her own Twilight fanfic? Something where she's actively doing something fun, so she can learn that goals are enjoyable.