Animals: Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting...

By downgirl - 04/11/2015 06:02 - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 216

You deserved it 2 380

Halloween: Terror and Laughter
Discover stories that combine fright and humor for an unforgettably funny Halloween. More…

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Same thing different taste

By coloris - 03/08/2019 00:01

Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 3 369

By idiot - 19/11/2016 06:48 - United States - Wausau

Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 797

You deserved it 2 784

Adding insult to injury

By Fly my pretty, FLY! - 25/09/2023 02:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 151

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 349

You deserved it 5 250

By simple living - 29/04/2015 02:43 - United States - Austin

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 875

You deserved it 2 680

By mraow123 - 30/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 394

You deserved it 4 660

WOOF!

By Dweeb - 02/10/2019 18:00

Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 647

Slapstick

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 04:00

Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 135

Halloween (slight return)

By fuck you and that stupid mutt - 02/11/2021 08:00

Today, I was outside carving pumpkins with my kids in the grass in my apartments. This rabid Karen starting screaming about the mess we were making. First of all, we were putting the pulp in a bag; second, she lets her dog bark all night and never cleans up it’s shit whenever it goes on our property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 96

MegasaurusRex89 28

Wednesday 4 November 2015 17:56

I feel like its probably a chihuahua or other small breed. They tend to attack when they panic more than larger breeds. Sounds like you have some training to do either way.

Kiernan151 25

Wednesday 4 November 2015 17:40

I feel like if you're dog attacks you over a pumpkin breaking over you're knee, you didn't train it very well. So I don't have sympathy because a good dog that's trained right won't attack you.

Comments

False_Stupidity 41

Wednesday 4 November 2015 23:25

I used to be a good dog owner, then I took a pumpkin to the knee.

Jwaye2 7

Thursday 5 November 2015 0:45

Thank you. You made my morning

Richard6036 13

Wednesday 4 November 2015 23:53

I think doggy Boot Camp is in order, because your own dog should not attack you. It makes for a very unstable situation

2ndChanceBob86 9

Thursday 5 November 2015 1:05

You have, what I like to call, a dumb dog. Get a smarter breed next time.

jonomc 12

Thursday 5 November 2015 2:55

You should probably get a new dog. Yours sounds kinda neurotic.

Shartie 16

Thursday 5 November 2015 4:13

That dog needs putting down before it attacks a child

teamkakashi 18

Thursday 5 November 2015 11:44

Oh wow...I really hope you're joking about that. Animals can be trained, you know. And animals also don't attack for no reason, either.

Shartie 16

Friday 6 November 2015 13:45

Not joking. Whether animals can be trained or not is irrelevant - this dog is clearly not and has attacked. What if it was a child that had dropped it? And that's absolutely not true. Animals do attack for no reason sometimes - or certainly no reason a human could comprehend. Lots of adults and children are mauled and/or killed by dangerous dogs who have irresponsible owners.