Kids: Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop...

By MyBallsForSaleOnEbay - 21/08/2015 15:25 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 149

You deserved it 7 259

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Same thing different taste

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 986

You deserved it 2 502

By I_Has_A_Fishy - 10/07/2012 19:33 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 690

You deserved it 3 458

Those things freak me out

By Gilly - 02/09/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 477

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 135

You deserved it 47 944

By tiredmom - 07/07/2016 15:03 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 343

You deserved it 1 596

By Uh oh.... - 05/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 2 811

You big fanny

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 17:57 - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 434

You deserved it 31 280

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 831

Close quarters

By aunty_social - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 460

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 297

Shannon98 16

Saturday 22 August 2015 0:54

Aww your nephew sounds sweet.

Sebastian2022 22

Saturday 22 August 2015 0:50

I think your 5 year old nephew bought the balls on eBay! :P

Comments

Rectov 10

Saturday 22 August 2015 21:19

That's actually really cute, just saying.

EvaTheAwsm 8

Saturday 22 August 2015 21:25

That's actually really sweet

poisonsnake 5

Saturday 22 August 2015 21:33

That's adorable :)

Galaxypotato 13

Saturday 22 August 2015 22:28

Thats adorable

sweetmadness 9

Saturday 22 August 2015 23:26

love the caption! :P hahaha

buymevickis92 26

Sunday 23 August 2015 4:23

you always read about how shitty kids are on here and this was nice to read, funny as hell but still nice.

BrotherPhil 35

Sunday 23 August 2015 4:56

Bless!

CyanideCyan 12

Sunday 23 August 2015 5:45

It's okay OP, everyone has their fears! Also your nephew sounds adorable!

sammiixoxo 12

Sunday 23 August 2015 8:22

At least he wasn't making fun of you like some mean kids would.

Sista92359 24

Sunday 23 August 2015 12:17

If he were to become president I would vote for him

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I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 464

Today, I met my boyfriend's family. He calls his parents things like “geriatric hag” and “old clown”. I was about to yell at him, but they started calling him “nancy boy” and “nerd”. Apparently they love each other, but only communicate through abuse. I can’t believe I may soon marry into this mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 1 291

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 30 857

You deserved it 3 088

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I agree, your life sucks 41 023

You deserved it 8 242

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I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 289

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I agree, your life sucks 77 314

You deserved it 7 251

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I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 114

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 306

You deserved it 8 134