Animals: Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly...

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By GetMeTheDamnBleach - 21/10/2014 19:46 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 519

You deserved it 32 159

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Same thing different taste

By Heyme - 09/12/2008 13:50 - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 389

You deserved it 6 730

By scarred4life - 27/04/2011 14:05 - Canada

Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 837

You deserved it 19 102

By dumbblonde - 06/08/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 276

You deserved it 62 338

By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 05:00

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 354

You deserved it 3 853

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 710

You deserved it 2 520

Best teeth in the game

By Nochnoii - 07/10/2009 20:07 - Belgium

Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 667

You deserved it 13 259

By gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 165

You deserved it 3 986

Happy meal

By ollierocks96 - 17/12/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch outside with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 562

You deserved it 3 026

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 264

You deserved it 32 011

By Annie - 24/08/2015 08:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 789

You deserved it 9 268

leaper66 12

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:19

Hope it didn't taste too bad...

BeepBeepSwerve 9

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:19

a little mid afternoon snack!

Comments

mylifebitches666 18

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:42

You're not you when you're hungry. Grab a snickers.

HairIsEverything 15

Wednesday 22 October 2014 7:43

Or some spider guts.

RusticChick 27

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:44

Extra protein!

sweetest_jenn 18

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:46

If pure evil had a flavor, I'm sure that's what your eraser top tasted like...

Just_A_Tree 20

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:52

Spiders are skilled opponents. Did you really expect to kill it so easily with impunity?

Ashd09 30

Wednesday 22 October 2014 2:00

It's just extra protein!

Recoveryben 15

Wednesday 22 October 2014 2:20

Why you didn't clean it off is the real question...

alex_gen 38

Wednesday 22 October 2014 2:40

Um...repost, much?

carleyboo2018 20

Wednesday 22 October 2014 2:44

I've seen this FML before...

oatmeal96 10

Wednesday 22 October 2014 3:23

Protein

hk1998 8

Wednesday 22 October 2014 3:23

Delicious

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The Top

Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked, "Who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door, "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 132

You deserved it 14 488

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 532

You deserved it 3 574

The Top

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 753

You deserved it 6 469

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 411

You deserved it 3 658

Today, I'm so broke that I hand-washed my socks with a bar of soap that I stole from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 449

You deserved it 3 111

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 532

You deserved it 4 674

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 308

You deserved it 6 567

Today, I actually got to meet actor George Takei. He was really sweet and charming, and I was just thrilled. When we parted, I wanted to say either, "I'll always remember this" or "I'll never forget this." It came out as, "I'll never remember this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 401

Same thing different taste

Best teeth in the game

Happy meal

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