Intimacy: Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing...

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By Anonymous - 07/05/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 529

You deserved it 4 698

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Same thing different taste

By erianne - 07/05/2018 15:00

Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 612

Priorities

By elly - 08/04/2021 14:00

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 177

By ow - 13/06/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 017

You deserved it 4 775

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 140

Light sentence

By ClumsyTeen - 13/05/2021 23:57 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 2 208

Unbelievable

By Anonymous - 15/08/2013 17:39 - Spain - Mon?var

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 010

You deserved it 3 461

Life is pain

By pussy - 21/04/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, since my family and friends always make fun of me for being a wuss when it comes to pain, when I stubbed my toe, I made a point to not scream or complain in any way. Instead, I vomited and fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 247

By Unlucky - 09/10/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 671

You deserved it 4 957

By Anonymous - 24/08/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 722

You deserved it 7 587

Convoluted

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 04:00

Today, while at home, I accidentally let out a big, loud fart near my dad. When he asked what the noise was, I blamed it on the cat. I remembered too late that we don't have a cat. My dad caught on quickly and grounded me for lying in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 732

fatalkiss 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 5:32

My parents were all, "orgasms are natural & beautiful things, after all, thats how we created you."

BugsBunny1 4

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:35

For some reason, your username and comment look very strange together.

Comments

GeneralGreivous3 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 5:51

I sometimes do that too. You know, stub my toe. But I scream into my pillow so no one notices.

shrimp1234 4

Saturday 7 May 2011 5:53

You should ask them about the moaning in THEIR room.

myxcure 2

Sunday 8 May 2011 4:02

Only ask if you actually want to know..

Helloiloveyou199_fml 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 5:53

Osama bin laden! just thought I would point that out... where is justin beaver?

CitrusGirl 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 5:58

It's always better to cuss when you hurt yourself. Mythbusters has proved that cussing relieves pain.

GeneralGreivous3 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 5:59

Oh then I've been doing the right thing :)

sydmadhurf 6

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:00

hmm I heard mythbusters I WRONG. cussing is BAD

CitrusGirl 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:20

Of course they're (as you would say) WRONG! They only do real experiments to get real test results to present an informed conclusion.

sydmadhurf 6

Saturday 7 May 2011 19:41

I totally have NO idea what u just said.. u outsmarted me:/

Mr_mur_der 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 20:03

That didn't seem hard to do.

sydmadhurf 6

Sunday 8 May 2011 16:19

ok that was rude. and unnecessary. people these days

immunizations 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:02

just simply tell them you stubbed your toe, nbd.

GeneralGreivous3 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:04

That will take a while then.

simply_improper 1

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:07

lmao # 35, jus too cute/dumb not to laugh

tonykillzlemons 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:13

u should tell them to unblock ur **** ;D

kay_joey 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:19

oh goodness... =P

RainbowHeadache 2

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:37

I'm not sure I'd believe my kid either. But I think that's because I assume they'll be chronic masterbaters like me. lol Why did they even ask what you were going? That kind of thing you pretend not to hear so shit doesn't get awkward.

rawr9able 4

Saturday 7 May 2011 10:43

Having the libido of a horse ftw. I would probably be the same way if I ever have a kid I would be the type to creep em out and embaress em for my amusement. "So son, I heard you 10 minutes ago. Mind keepin' it down?" "WUT?! O_O" xD