Miscellaneous: Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing...

By TuteSweet - 12/08/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 558

You deserved it 4 806

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Same thing different taste

By liilii - 30/08/2014 16:40 - India - Trivandrum

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 700

You deserved it 6 700

By Karmas3itch - 12/05/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 927

You deserved it 6 772

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 579

You deserved it 2 558

Batshit soup

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 12:00 - United States - St. Petersburg

Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 102

Eye bleach

By deardaughter - 14/08/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 120

By meeeoow - 22/01/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 665

You deserved it 2 777

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 898

You deserved it 2 532

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 095

You deserved it 3 061

By gengiskarn69 - 12/03/2012 14:55 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 975

You deserved it 38 678

By Blood on my hands - 07/08/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 165

You deserved it 25 750

Zero22120 12

Friday 12 August 2011 16:11

Who needs to call pest control when you've got dad?

Blueglasscup 18

Friday 12 August 2011 16:11

Cool dad bro. Also at least he was wearing undies? :)

Comments

hellmeri 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 0:15

lmao! ******* funny

Petronix 5

Saturday 13 August 2011 0:25

You might be a redneck if....

Fredgruff 4

Saturday 13 August 2011 0:53

Your Dad is simply German and was saying "The, Bitches, The".

StormGirl142 24

Saturday 13 August 2011 1:17

What? That's not normal?

derekwb 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 1:38

Lucky lmfao

hyden121 2

Saturday 13 August 2011 2:35

Take a video and YouTube it. That will show him.

Bad1z 13

Saturday 13 August 2011 2:42

sounds fun

pcdj64 2

Saturday 13 August 2011 2:49

LMFAO gotta love your dad, at least he was having fun

zombi3ki113r14 4

Saturday 13 August 2011 2:50

at least he wasnt spraying u with ant killer and saying that

Jaycie24 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 2:56

Hahahahah omg. I did that 2 days ago... Ants suck ass.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Awkward Embarrassing Health Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Love Weird Work Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Gamers

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Well. I must admit when I first received today's illustration, seeing the massive pliers pop out kind of freaked me out. Then I reached the last panel and I'm not sure if it's out of anxiety relief or what, but I laughed so hard I might have choked a...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can only have sex with really fat men, because that’s what turns me on, yet as soon as the sex is over, through no fault of theirs, I have to run to the toilet to be sick because I can’t believe what I just had sex with. I’m so messed up in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 2 524

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Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. It seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "Welcome to the neighborhood!" about these parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 254

You deserved it 3 728

Today, I didn't secure my friend's wheelchair well enough to my car roof before giving him a ride. It flew off mid-drive and we still haven't found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 992

You deserved it 7 188

Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 430

You deserved it 2 249

Today, I got set up to go to prom with my friend, her man, and his twin brother. The twin I was set up with has decided to start talking to me over text, and proceeds to make racist jokes and acknowledges the full-on racism. My friend who's going with the brother? She's black. I'm stuck a whole night with this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 110

Today, while playing golf on a local course, my idiot of a friend decided to push his pushcart down a massive hill towards me. When he realized that I was going to be hit, he screamed for me to move, but it was too late. I collapsed to the ground in pain, all while he chuckled about the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 111

Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 973

You deserved it 6 137

Same thing different taste

Batshit soup

Eye bleach

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