Health: Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up... - FML

By dearme - 02/06/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 116

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Top comments

SweetestSin 4

Tuesday 2 June 2009 12:07

LMFAO I saw it all going down in my head as I read it I literally LOL'd thanks for making my night

Triccmo 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 12:05

That sounds like something I would do! Although, I'm really jumpy. LOL.

Comments

JustWeeMe 11

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:05

HAHAHA!!! This is definitely one of my favorites!!!

91hayek 31

Friday 9 May 2014 10:06

This is the best illustrated FML I have seen.

cynicalsatireman 12

Thursday 19 June 2014 17:50

Amateur level karate, actually helps to get mugged.

cheesebond 29

Saturday 16 May 2015 20:19

That's what you get for learning karate?

xxhdxx 11

Sunday 31 January 2016 15:16

was it the NCIS Miami Theme

Ovidio 5

Saturday 20 February 2016 8:21

I be the song was "hey little momma let me whisper in your ear" lmfao

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Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 138

You deserved it 28 440

Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 170

The Top

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 421

You deserved it 9 059

Today, I realized that even the worst criminals have girls falling for them, and meanwhile, I just got ghosted again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 245

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 524

You deserved it 13 712

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 643

You deserved it 9 142

Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 194

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 420

You deserved it 3 657