Kids: Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently,...

By eenkoekje - 13/05/2011 07:20

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 327

You deserved it 15 913

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 399

You deserved it 17 297

Charlie

By Jonathan lemon - 22/10/2021 20:00

Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 90

Creepy kid

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 991

By George Saunders - 21/03/2012 04:06 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 084

You deserved it 53 490

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 754

You deserved it 6 027

Good boy

By anonymous - 16/03/2011 02:05

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 179

You deserved it 6 154

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 736

You deserved it 3 335

Off his **** on placebos

By being this dumb should hurt - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 161

Fire hasard

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 635

You deserved it 3 066

By A-64 - 08/05/2012 20:48 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 392

You deserved it 5 225

iAmScrubs 19

Friday 13 May 2011 16:05

He thought he was Charlie Sheen. Don't blame him.

Igor_g5 0

Friday 13 May 2011 16:08

You didn't teach him how to tell real coke from BS. That's where you went wrong.

Comments

serenek 6

Wednesday 14 March 2012 1:13

tell him if he wants coke, he should learn to stop being stupid and buy quality stuff. or tell him flour IS coke, and give him an endless supply.

ChicaChica5683 0

Monday 28 May 2012 6:56

Maybe you called him twerp too many times. Be nice to your kid. Dont be a fuckwad.

Bridgettecake69 5

Wednesday 3 October 2012 18:20

Probably the moment you did coke in front of him.

Whiteheart55 8

Monday 8 October 2012 17:05

Because your a bitch who calls your son a twerp. He was just trying to do what you do.

cynthiastarz 10

Thursday 19 September 2013 16:12

Next time tell him to taste it. If his tongue feels numb its the real deal. :)

anonymous100000 17

Saturday 3 January 2015 3:07

you weren't strict enough

ToxicMoo33 18

Sunday 18 January 2015 7:08

Kids do stupid shit no matter how you raise them.

Sudoc 29

Saturday 28 November 2015 3:19

Unable to compute. Incomplete data set.

Cavsfodawin 21

Tuesday 28 June 2016 14:55

Letting him go to a public school.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I taught my daughter to tell a teacher if she was being bullied. My husband however taught her teachers are useless, and if you punch bullies in the balls really hard, they will bend forwards which puts them in a good position for an uppercut that will knock out teeth. The school is furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 157

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend breaking up with me. Not only was this a bit cowardly but he'd also sent it in a reply to our last interaction on our phones, a group chat with some of our friends, who started commenting with sad face emojis before I had even had the chance to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 055

You deserved it 44 700

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad turns around and says he was expecting him to have a guide dog. This is why I don't have much confidence in myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 474

You deserved it 2 114

Today, I dreamt of my mom. She came over to me, and said, "Hey, I'm alright, the doctors were wrong." My mom died 4 months ago due to Covid-19 complications, and waking up shouldn't be so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 83

Today, I realized that I divorced my husband of 36 years and took up with a new man, just be in exactly the same situation I was in before. Will I never learn? FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 1 334

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 075

You deserved it 72 056

Today, I got some spam stating that I'd have no love life in the coming 10 years if I didn't reply to it. So, no different to the last 10 years then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 510

You deserved it 2 892