Health: Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package...

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 040

You deserved it 62 130

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Same thing different taste

By r1has - 12/06/2016 02:58 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 050

You deserved it 4 882

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 965

You deserved it 1 173

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 806

You deserved it 35 444

By Anonymous - 04/01/2015 10:27 - Australia - Doncaster

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 166

You deserved it 5 693

Let's cook

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 08:01

Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 547

By Coldsnap - 12/08/2011 17:25 - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 847

You deserved it 5 014

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 258

Spice up your life!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 930

You deserved it 2 893

By fiery - 24/07/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 027

You deserved it 4 599

dasteve 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:43

Chillies on your willy!

Agent36263626 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:42

At least you know where the burning is coming from...

Comments

chesoes 8

Friday 20 January 2012 20:42

Stupid

lolyeahthatsme 11

Sunday 22 January 2012 17:17

I think not toucing your junk was a given if you were warned about not touching your eyes, nose or pets. YDI definatley.

ChuckMcNugget 1

Saturday 4 February 2012 20:11

Stupid that will give u blisters

rachilio 26

Thursday 8 March 2012 12:50

Sorta a given

ElricMustang 23

Friday 16 March 2012 4:21

Why would you touch your penis while cooking, anyway? YDI...

keidus324 6

Monday 7 May 2012 13:15

It's implied...

juliairene1994 0

Saturday 2 June 2012 19:19

That's what they meant when they said "pets"

Skinwalker131 5

Monday 11 June 2012 16:25

My guy friend was reading this over my shoulder and he cringed in pain jut from hearing it. Sorry dude I'm guessing it's quite painful.

ptv1105 0

Wednesday 18 July 2012 1:22

What'd you do jack off afterwards??!!xD

capslockisgood 19

Monday 6 August 2012 1:24

Or just took a leak..

XxRose_SparksxX 7

Wednesday 22 August 2012 13:44

YDI..why touch your dick while cooking? Adding some sperm to the recipe? ._.

Keywords

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Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 3 398

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 081

The Top

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 459

You deserved it 5 386

Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 3 543

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 573

You deserved it 3 323

Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 677

You deserved it 2 117

Today, my ADHD brain won't quit hyperfixating on one specific show. I've watched all 5 seasons 3 times through and have the wiki open at all times. I've tried watching other things, but even shows that I'm huge fan of don't cut it. I feel like there's no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 250

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 170

You deserved it 2 675

Same thing different taste

Pure evil

Let's cook

Spice up your life!

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