Animals: Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans... - FML

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 472

You deserved it 16 555

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Same thing different taste

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 170

You deserved it 153 049

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 989

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 189

By lbg2msf - 06/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Biloxi

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 848

You deserved it 9 501

Absentmindedly

By Anonymous - 06/09/2022 19:00

Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 230

By poopedon - 26/04/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 997

You deserved it 18 158

By Shinobi_3 - 26/02/2010 17:43 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 837

You deserved it 29 329

By shitlicker - 08/12/2015 04:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 182

You deserved it 2 141

Natural selection

By Anonymous - 29/11/2024 13:00 - Canada - Minnedosa

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 358

Bizarre topping

By Grossed out - 10/11/2021 11:00

Today, I was eating an ice cream on a sidewalk and some woman decided it was time to clip her toenails on her balcony above me. One of the nail shards fell onto my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 99

Next

Top comments

s_l_h82 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 22:14

i literally laughed my face off for at least 10 mins after reading this. Thanks for shairing BAHAHAHAHA

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 18:55

You didn't notice the bird poo on your pants ... ? Anyway, sucks that you licked bird poo. That's totally gross.

Comments

itzProPain 10

Friday 2 September 2011 2:25

So... what did it taste like?

codylicious6 0

Thursday 22 September 2011 0:06

Are you the same person who licked the bird shit off the table when they were at lunch? This FML is worded exactly like that one.

mrssuarez2011 12

Monday 17 October 2011 11:58

Oh dear I laughed so hard at this and usually I don't for potty humor but wow this was just too avoidable..

upsidedownfrownn 5

Thursday 19 January 2012 2:15

Well shit...

RachelPorter 7

Friday 6 April 2012 3:50

That sucks ass!

Jawzx01 7

Tuesday 8 May 2012 5:11

Rotfl!!

nikkipettyfer 24

Wednesday 12 December 2012 5:47

What was the birds diets that day?

raesos91 26

Sunday 10 February 2013 18:06

this made me gag. xP

MklynRsWhlr 6

Monday 23 December 2013 6:26

Hahaha, my little sister was with my family and all that jazz at this ice cream place in Disneyworld, right? She had bird poop on her shoulder and for some reason, she had licked it. Nasty....you're not the only one who has done this....

hellokitty2612 7

Monday 1 September 2014 10:27

hahhaa ydi how can you not tell but still fyl

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