Intimacy: Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to...

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 5 496

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 2 704

By KO - 12/10/2014 16:45 - United States

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 841

You deserved it 4 387

Life imitates bad art

By sex sent me to the Er - 15/10/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 2 142

One nation, under rod

By LaLa - 20/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 213

By WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 743

You deserved it 5 875

Are you experienced?

By still laughing - 28/08/2015 21:48 - United States - Providence

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 514

You deserved it 5 109

Slapstick

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 04:00

Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 135

Sexy!

By troubleintoyland - 24/12/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 862

You deserved it 9 569

By Anonymous - 30/05/2013 03:55 - United States - Redlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 770

You deserved it 9 824

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 17:00

Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 310

Tripartita 44

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:34

You were aiming for porno but life threw you a romantic comedy.

tumtum888 12

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:27

**** stunts are for pros only lol

Comments

RebeccaRFT 18

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:26

How do you bust your nose open?

SpyroMello 29

Sunday 28 February 2016 1:20

Gee, idk. Maybe by slamming your face on the ground with a lot of force.

gamermonster 34

Sunday 28 February 2016 9:01

Run nose first against a wall, and you know it

tumtum888 12

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:27

**** stunts are for pros only lol

tigerthepredator 16

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:32

Unless you got a stunt double if you know what I mean.

FemskyD 26

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:29

not so soft **** xD

oobergoober89 16

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:31

Not everything you see in the movies is doable

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Sunday 28 February 2016 1:28

Maybe, but if she wants to try it, I'm sure her hubby appreciates it.

Welshite 39

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:31

Did you have the candles, the music, the camera crew, and the sheets artfully arranged to hide everything to maintain a PG-13 rating? Because if you didn't, then it would explain why your night didn't turn out like the movies. P.S.: I have a camera and someone willing to do lighting. PM me.

Tripartita 44

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:34

You were aiming for porno but life threw you a romantic comedy.

Welshite 39

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:35

Yeah, except romantic comedies usually have with a "happy ending". ?

Tripartita 44

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:44

This is only the end of first or second act. If it's the first act, OP will gain amazing sex-powers that she'll ultimately give up when she realizes she was loved just as she was. If it's the second act, her and her husband will sue the company that made the bed and have to give a physical demonstration of how she was injured in front of a jury.

Welshite 39

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:47

I'd watch that.

abbyade 21

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:38

Lol lesson of the day: never copy a movie. I hope your nose is okay.

Ramos808 29

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:50

Sounds like it was some rough sex

Dale_shackleford 13

Sunday 28 February 2016 0:52

Remember, they only choreograph the movie sex scenes that way to make it look good to the audience. For the actors, the sex scenes are probably some of the most physically awkward and uncomfortable scenes they do.

ApparentlyNotEno 28

Sunday 28 February 2016 2:33

They're only awkward if the people aren't actually having sex. I actually practiced some of those moves with an adventurous partner until we got them down. OPs mistake was trying to surprise her husband instead of having his help... but I must say good on her for trying new things! I'm certain next time it will go much more smoothly. :-)