Sex, Sextoys and Intimacy: Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be...

By 504-A1 - 11/05/2012 22:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 513

You deserved it 10 414

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Same thing different taste

Hot and heavy

By Lickmylovepump - 19/01/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 441

You deserved it 35 590

By XxMe123xx - 19/08/2010 00:51 - France

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 563

You deserved it 10 954

Phoney sex

By Anonymous - 09/03/2020 08:00

Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 252

You deserved it 617

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 586

You deserved it 47 217

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 309

You deserved it 2 763

Oh yeah?

By alexis89 - 26/05/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 540

You deserved it 20 194

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 03:17 - United States

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 980

You deserved it 7 874

By Heyy - 24/11/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 118

You deserved it 12 074

So hott

By facepalm - 27/02/2009 08:39 - Singapore

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 765

You deserved it 15 175

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 966

You deserved it 12 726

Monjara 4

Saturday 12 May 2012 0:53

Lmao he's jealous of a vibrator.

llamafish 25

Saturday 12 May 2012 0:54

I hope you used protection. Wouldn't want to get hearing AIDS ;)

Comments

sneeze_watch 19

Saturday 12 May 2012 5:47

If he masturbates, but still has a problem with you using a vibrator, tell him to have fun ******* himself from now on.

zach8771 3

Saturday 12 May 2012 5:51

You shouldn't have sex with your vibrator before marriage...

lialikesapplepie 0

Saturday 12 May 2012 6:03

Get back at him by marrying the vibrator... Wait...

ZDR 11

Saturday 12 May 2012 6:07

..well, he shud be thankful itz just a vibrator, not some others guyz wang! :p

XxWolvesBitexX 8

Saturday 12 May 2012 15:09

should* it's*

XxWolvesBitexX 8

Saturday 12 May 2012 15:11

guy's* Sorry, I forgot that one too.

Mudkipxo 0

Saturday 12 May 2012 6:41

what is he, 5?

Hamo 5

Saturday 12 May 2012 7:36

Marry it if it make you breakfast in bed, tell you that you are the most prettiest girl in the world and can be a vibrator you can rely on

YasminBleathe 0

Saturday 12 May 2012 7:51

Roflmao jealous of a vibrator haha

Shadow_Phantom 26

Saturday 12 May 2012 9:08

Sounds like he's a bit insecure; I guess now you know for future reference, and FYL.

_WhatTheFuck_ 5

Saturday 12 May 2012 9:10

What the hell was that loud bang??

SammyS2012 21

Saturday 12 May 2012 15:17

That's actually what I was wondering :/

uberhaxorjames 1

Saturday 12 May 2012 9:28

Man why would he be jellous he can **** tha pink and the vibrater can have the stink

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The Top

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 528

You deserved it 5 802

Today, the guy I was seeing told me he only wants to be friends. Every guy I've dated in the last 10 years has lost interest after we've had sex for the first time, and nobody will tell me why or what I did wrong. I'm going to die alone and I don't even know why. FML

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The Top

Today, a close friend called me to inform me of his newest relationship, and why he's kept it from me - he's been seeing his male cousin for several months and was tired of hiding it from the world. I had to keep my shock in check over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 154

Today, I gave myself paper cuts on the sides of my mouth while licking the cover of a pudding cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 167

You deserved it 14 711

Today, my upstairs neighbors, in my supposedly pet-free apartment complex, got a puppy. It’s a Great Dane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 111

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 3 250

Today, my parents confiscated my iPod, because the parents' group they go to came to the conclusion that music is a gateway to anti-social behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 488

You deserved it 2 734

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 966

You deserved it 3 431