Miscellaneous: Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying...

By idiot - 28/07/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 833

You deserved it 126 217

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Same thing different taste

By musicislife1337 - 08/01/2012 07:24 - Canada

Today, I received numerous text messages from my parents asking where I was and how worried they are. I was in my room, they didn't even notice me walk in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 054

You deserved it 3 099

By Not turnt - 27/07/2015 19:12 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 620

You deserved it 2 591

By mass message - 16/10/2011 00:47 - Canada

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 085

You deserved it 69 953

By maf811 - 07/11/2011 12:13 - United States

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 030

You deserved it 2 793

Self report

By banana12321 - 02/04/2015 04:40 - United States - Fresno

Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 206

You deserved it 30 482

By brizzle - 05/04/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 481

You deserved it 6 360

Mostly OK

By dxl - 18/02/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, I told my parents how grateful I am for having them in my life and that not many kids are as lucky as me. My mom texted me after I went out 10 minutes later: "Are you OK? You seemed depressed earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 290

You deserved it 5 542

By mommydearest - 04/09/2011 16:08 - Denmark

Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 337

You deserved it 4 121

Leave me alone!

By Can I have some sleep? - 14/11/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I texted my mom and had to explain to her that calling me repeatedly at 2 a.m. because you're bored and want to talk is not really a good idea. Seriously, nothing happened, she just wanted to chat because she had nothing else to do. Her response to my message? She started calling me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 87

By Werner - 02/03/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 657

You deserved it 67 499

Sun_Kissed18 25

Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:02

Wow your fault

ily_hun996 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:12

You never, EVER say, "Thank you for not checking in on me."

Comments

Jari 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 4:18

Do I really need to say YDI? Because I sure as hell don't think I do. Judging by your intelligence in this situation, though, I might have to.

Antonio718 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 4:22

Teenagers + home alone = something bad is going to happen You (teenager i assume)+ thanking your mom for being home alone = suspicious as hell

Young_Sparta 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 4:32

you would never make it in sparta.

justanotherhuman 21

Wednesday 29 July 2009 4:35

My sentiments *precisely*.

Clark3 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 4:35

You deserved it, that makes it completely obvious.

outlast 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 4:47

YOUR A DUMBASS!

fezzinator 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:15

Dumbass. You should've just not texted her

mattyz_fml 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:45

Dumb ass

Sharon_Cocks 2

Wednesday 29 July 2009 6:20

you obviously have never heard the saying leave whats best alone.

dr_house_MD 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 6:35

*gibbs slap*

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The Top

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 21 179

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 3 941

The Top

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 341

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 519

You deserved it 4 894

Today, I picked up a birthday card for my dad at the supermarket in a mad rush. I didn’t realise that the inside said “From your daughter”. He thinks this was my way of coming out as trans, and said that he'd suspected it for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 397

You deserved it 1 048

Today, it was my best friend's wedding. The night ended with her in tears outside her hotel suite, where she confessed that she has a serious crush on me. I have a serious crush on her too. We're both straight women. I'm really confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 164

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 501

You deserved it 4 359

Today, my wife wanted to spice things up by making a sex tape. Not sure if it was excitement or just the pressure of being on camera, but the whole thing was less than 4 minutes, including foreplay and apologising, and due to bad camera placement most of the film was of my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 196

Same thing different taste

Self report

Mostly OK

Leave me alone!

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