Intimacy: Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly...

By Nate - 31/03/2011 15:54 - United States

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 658

You deserved it 24 978

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
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Same thing different taste

By kevcng - 10/09/2012 21:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 722

You deserved it 7 990

Sinners, the lot of you

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 04:00

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants, and he screamed, "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 635

You deserved it 456

Holy shit

By embarrassed - 04/01/2016 17:58 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 030

You deserved it 3 419

By Soundofaboner - 23/04/2013 16:08 - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 423

You deserved it 10 112

By neveragain - 12/02/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 593

You deserved it 4 651

By Anonymous - 04/04/2014 17:26 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 091

You deserved it 20 368

New balls

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 787

You deserved it 682

By BlueMacaw - 25/07/2016 14:38 - United States - Edmond

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 669

You deserved it 2 163

New balls

By boxerswontdo - 06/03/2022 02:00

Today, at physical therapy, even though I was wearing underwear, when I went on the leg press machine, my balls popped out of the bottom of my shorts. A bunch of times. The therapist saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 305

By fatguyinalittlecoat - 08/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 918

You deserved it 5 279

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 31 March 2011 19:09

If you had shouted "Praise the Lord", then everything would have been OK.

Happygofucky 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 19:14

You got off lucky, for realz. If that were me I would have let out a lot more than a squeal. Something along the lines of "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK", politely demonstrated by me today when my mother dearest slammed my toe in the car door :)

Comments

4Lonely2Stoner0 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:40

Just say you squealed because "god" was talking to you.

Night5h4d3 0

Friday 1 April 2011 12:28

I he said that he would've been carted of for them to pump him full of happy drugs, because everyone knows god only talks to shepards and warriors and the like in the desert from about 100bc to about 1000ad....oh and the insane he talks to them a lot too XD

gotbiscuits 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:44

Your balls seem to be on the lose. Maybe you should consider wearing boxer briefs or just briefs?

BWill9014 4

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:50

Boners has nothing to say on this one?

RyanMacVey 17

Thursday 31 March 2011 23:24

hey

chickunkey 0

Friday 1 April 2011 10:07

Ah, I see. Well that's a great way to spend a day.

182crazyking 9

Monday 4 April 2011 8:22

Cool story bro. Pics or it never happened.

Dominodev 3

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:55

switch to tighty whities they will hold them up out of the way

PassTheDutch 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 21:03

No he said all but pissed him self. however if he would of the would of been a better FML. lol

Cazzybum 11

Thursday 31 March 2011 21:07

sucks that you crushed your balls, but YDI for going to church. Isn't your precious god omnipresent? Do you still believe in Santa and the tooth fairy and Easter bunny tooooo?