Miscellaneous: Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his...

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 646

You deserved it 3 023

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Same thing different taste

Basic communication

By Tim - 16/06/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 023

You deserved it 6 022

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 391

You deserved it 50 992

By lvegadelgado_6 - 10/08/2015 14:32 - United States - Deerfield

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 556

You deserved it 2 141

Make yourself at home

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 143

You deserved it 2 505

By BaliTheDog - 24/03/2013 23:01 - France

Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 020

You deserved it 97 596

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 332

You deserved it 4 014

Looks like we made it… Oh.

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 198

By jackpot - 09/05/2011 01:53 - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 456

You deserved it 3 020

By ugh - 14/06/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 698

You deserved it 3 927

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

chineseguy 0

Friday 12 November 2010 9:09

you gotta go when you gotta go!

Darko21 5

Friday 12 November 2010 9:12

Old man 1. Anonymous man 0.

Comments

MrDeconstruct 0

Friday 12 November 2010 9:19

No, it was the Soviet Russia joke. Not sure where all those went.

allmidnighteyes 10

Friday 12 November 2010 9:22

He's old; he's lived long enough that he can do whatever the **** he wants whenever the **** he wants.

chriswest54 0

Friday 12 November 2010 15:36

**** u, for some reason i just hate u

wombledn 0

Friday 12 November 2010 15:47

10 points to midnight eyes for speaking the truth. I can't wait to be old.good times are coming

anorexicbarbie 8

Friday 12 November 2010 9:22

Darko21 5

Friday 12 November 2010 13:12

Why the long face?

anorexicbarbie 8

Friday 12 November 2010 9:25

Terrible.  

ilc74 0

Friday 12 November 2010 9:28

guess u should have given him the sandwich like he asked

anorexicbarbie 8

Friday 12 November 2010 9:41

Both.

ICabooseI 0

Friday 12 November 2010 9:43

it could be worse.ge could have used your lunch as toilet paper."ahhhhhh here's your shitwich!"

Rangant 7

Friday 12 November 2010 9:53

in the immortal words of shrek better out than in

marinus_fml 19

Friday 12 November 2010 9:54

anorexic, only cuz your first comment disappeared ;) I wish it hadn't, I had a good comment under it :(

allmidnighteyes 10

Friday 12 November 2010 9:55

Well, look on the bright side... at least you didn't get kidnapped with him and another person and get forced into a human centipede.

Wirebiter 0

Friday 12 November 2010 18:36

That happened to me once.. twice..

Action_Bastard 0

Monday 15 November 2010 0:23

Ah man, that movie is sick. Human centipede, lol that's gross.

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Bosses Capitalism Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, after nearly a week of having laryngitis, I was finally able to talk a little again. Then I yelled at my son for leaving his shit all over the living room, strained my throat, and can barely even whisper now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 755

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 3 103

The Top

Today, after a few months of trying to gain weight due to being severely underweight, I got a stomach flu and lost every single pound I put on, and then some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 80

Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 839

You deserved it 3 395

Today, my dad asked to borrow my glasses to look for his glasses. He then took them off because they were extremely tight on his head, and gave them back to me. Then he turned around and walked into a wall. I sure hope my eyes don't get that bad, although they probably will by the time I'm 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 148

Today, I logged into our family's shared Amazon account to buy some gift cards for Mother's Day. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the cart already had 6 items in it. Turns out my forgetful stepbrother was debating on what gazebo to buy and forgot to take the items out of the cart. Why'd he put them in there though? FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 372

Today, my shrink diagnosed me as severely depressive, due to a lot of stress and yells at home. After the session, my parents argued about whose fault it was and then went on to yell at me for being depressive and wasting their money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 044

You deserved it 3 845

Today, I saw the guy I was seeing four months ago, who lives in another state, hand in hand with a girl at the mall. The same one who told me he "doesn’t do long distance." I went up to them, confronted him about it, and demanded to know why her and not me. He pretended not to know me and threatened to call security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 935

Same thing different taste

Basic communication

Pick it up

Make yourself at home

Oh shit…

Looks like we made it… Oh.

Take a break

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