Kids: Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program....

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 611

You deserved it 11 380

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Same thing different taste

Halloween is cancelled

By iliveformystery - 31/10/2014 15:56 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 202

You deserved it 6 568

By eyepatch - 19/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Albany

Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 869

You deserved it 420

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By FrustratedTutor - 21/08/2015 20:00 - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that, "Pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 822

You deserved it 2 832

By babysitter - 26/03/2009 03:45 - United States

Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 449

You deserved it 5 142

By Redhead4life - 18/03/2012 00:48 - United States - Miami

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 883

You deserved it 2 885

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 17:00

Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 3 420

By Jamie - 20/09/2013 00:47 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 282

You deserved it 13 928

By Black Cat 13 - 04/09/2010 06:52 - United States

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 139

You deserved it 3 515

By Anonymous - 19/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 5-year-old girl and we were coloring. She made me a card that was very sweet, so I smiled. She looked at me and went "Don't smile, your smile is really scary." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 716

You deserved it 5 305

By WTF - 22/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 577

You deserved it 19 405

Doortje 29

Saturday 5 March 2011 12:12

Arr, time to brush your teeth, mate.

chrstygrl06 10

Saturday 5 March 2011 11:54

She's right, you must be!

Comments

clashatdemonhead 3

Saturday 5 March 2011 20:27

time to get an eye patch, parrot and a peg leg.

EvilSpirt 5

Saturday 5 March 2011 20:47

OP brushes his teeth! He used the brand SCURVY YELLOWING invented by Jack Sparrow.

Addie_O 0

Saturday 5 March 2011 21:02

Awww either that or you can't afford a dentist.

saranwrap69 0

Saturday 5 March 2011 21:18

go get yer teef whitened?

cupcakecutiee95 1

Saturday 5 March 2011 21:39

ydi brush your teeth!

musicfreak9821 6

Sunday 6 March 2011 1:51

kids these day!

dansco 24

Sunday 6 March 2011 2:22

Brush your teeth and maybe stop smoking/eating crap...

clashatdemonhead 3

Sunday 6 March 2011 3:58

he smokes crap? eww.

Musiqevol 0

Sunday 6 March 2011 4:25

dont take it too bad....kids say the darnest things.

RockstarRN 10

Sunday 6 March 2011 6:30

Crest White Strips...that's all I gotta say!

pu13 5

Sunday 6 March 2011 9:00

not that bad but still fyl

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Bosses Capitalism Work Cars You're fired Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 3 103

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 811

You deserved it 9 769

The Top

Today, my boss in my police department told me to start enforcing the "No bikes on sidewalks" law, which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with Down's syndrome, who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 586

You deserved it 14 600

Today, my new neighbour is totally a Karen, she has the sunglasses, the haircut and the outfits we all know so well, plus I can hear how she speaks to her husband and kids through the wall. I’m afraid to leave my house in case she introduces herself and immediately finds something to moan about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 717

Today, I’m trying to figure out how to spend Christmas with my wife and kids… and my girlfriend. I’m planning to divorce my wife in January, because doing it on Christmas would hurt them all, but I don’t want my girlfriend to know I’m married or else she’ll leave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 2 443

Today, it's my birthday. My friends don't believe me since they "didn't get a Facebook notification." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 759

You deserved it 421

Today, the friend I recommended for a job at my workplace is getting fired for being one of the worst people they have ever hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 337

You deserved it 852

Today, my coworker has once again called in and asked me to cover her shift. She does this for every single one of her shifts, and my boss told me that if I don’t cover it, I’ll be fired. I used to have a life, but not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 137

Same thing different taste

Halloween is cancelled

Culture wars

Thank you for your service

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