Intimacy: Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to... - FML

By Gordon - 22/07/2009 14:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 703

You deserved it 6 765

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Same thing different taste

Deez nutz hurtz

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 15:01

Spicy

Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 525

Cockstepblocked

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 133

You deserved it 470

Mood ruined

By InterestingReaction - 10/04/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, it was mine and my girlfriend's two-year anniversary. Back in my room, I decided to get sexy for her by opening the bathroom door, dropping my bath towel, and slowly approaching the bed in the buff. I tripped over my feet and fell flat on my face twice while doing so, which she hysterically laughed at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 528

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off, so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 577

You deserved it 8 624

Surprised indeed

By fredo - 19/03/2013 12:31 - United States - Ames

Spicy

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 064

You deserved it 24 113

Ball Is Life

By Anonymous - 17/09/2018 12:00

Spicy

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 973

You deserved it 256

Not really the desired effect

By Ouchithurt - 04/08/2009 07:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 019

You deserved it 21 066

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 283

By Katrina - 13/02/2011 22:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 626

You deserved it 9 579

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 7 147

Next

Top comments

Miss_Q 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:04

If you hadn't of been so excited she wouldn't have had as much to grab onto!

Ea12thquake 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:03

owned hahah that sucks

Comments

shnibz101 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 5:31

LOL

pistol122 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 5:47

i agree with the first comment hear me shane dawson this ones for you

person1000003 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 5:48

Thaaaat hurts!!!as I read that I felt pain

kandi_shop_xoxo 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 5:50

This one made me laugh for a while! =D

Marcela93 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 6:04

I flinched at this and I'm a girl

Nikkir95 4

Thursday 23 July 2009 6:12

lol that made me laugh for awhile!! lol

gonnaworkmagic 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 6:28

I am so sorry. Seriously.

flyboy57 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 6:38

Oww Oww Oww!!

Honda288 2

Thursday 23 July 2009 7:32

Don't let her sew them back on. Hahaha

thabeast 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 7:40

oooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww *winces*

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Keywords

Love Christmas Break-ups Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Haircut Cute Relatable You're fired Work Cars Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Am I overreacting? Intimacy Management

The Top

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 42 714

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 664

You deserved it 3 777

The Top

Today, my 36 year-old husband decided that I’m not his soulmate and he made a mistake marrying me. Why? Because he believes that the 19 year-old girl he met on his video game online thing is instead, and they’re "meant to be." We’ve been married for 5 years and had our second child a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 102

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 150

You deserved it 4 760

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 354

You deserved it 3 199

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 888

You deserved it 39 267

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 665

You deserved it 6 175

Today, I reported one of our college professors for openly displaying pornography on his office door. There was an investigation. He works in the Arts department and claims it's "photographic art." The campus agreed. I got formally reprimanded. What is "art" about explicit photos of naked children? FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 248