Intimacy: Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held...

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By HOe HOe HOe - 02/11/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 098

You deserved it 16 276

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 623

You deserved it 4 351

Dirty talk

By awkward - 22/02/2014 05:39 - United States

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 634

You deserved it 10 481

By selfishsexysanta - 24/12/2012 18:06 - United States

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 454

You deserved it 13 846

By pops up - 01/12/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 391

You deserved it 10 657

By dummy - 17/02/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 741

You deserved it 5 669

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 16:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 430

You deserved it 5 759

Pick your moments, dude!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 346

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 872

You deserved it 1 800

Talk sexy to me

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 591

You deserved it 6 808

Sexy talk

By suckstosuck - 23/07/2013 04:04 - United States - Dana Point

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 775

You deserved it 13 701

hahachun 4

Wednesday 2 November 2011 8:57

Yes Santa?!! Hahahahaha

ollie179 21

Wednesday 2 November 2011 8:57

No presents for him.

Comments

cheezyfries50 0

Thursday 24 November 2011 6:46

Ok, that shit is hilarious

Cosmic_Horror 1

Tuesday 24 January 2012 11:57

Kink tends to inspire giggles when you start out. He'll get over it.

KingCeltic77 18

Sunday 26 February 2012 6:08

HHAHAHA That is funny.

KingCeltic77 18

Sunday 26 February 2012 6:09

HHAHAHA That is funny.

bridgetD14 4

Monday 25 June 2012 15:04

That's so cute:)

NinjaCrumbs 0

Tuesday 26 June 2012 6:04

You on punked ;D

Liamj774 36

Friday 30 November 2012 5:34

Nice username you hit there

whyuacactus 4

Monday 12 August 2013 9:42

that's cute

missrebecca3 8

Saturday 24 August 2013 23:52

this has gotta be one of the funniest fmls I've ever read

hmm130 4

Sunday 25 May 2014 10:23

lol was he drunk?

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I agree, your life sucks 32 625

You deserved it 5 701

Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A-. All she said was, "Oh well, at least you tried your best". FML

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I agree, your life sucks 904

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You deserved it 207

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I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 134

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I agree, your life sucks 27 237

You deserved it 5 759

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 561

You deserved it 2 454

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 723

You deserved it 2 133