Miscellaneous: Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went... - FML

By xxx - 03/10/2015 13:38 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died. But I thought for a few seconds the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 176

You deserved it 8 346

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 06:05

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 4 616

It was for research purposes

By Anonymous - 17/04/2022 14:00

Today, I was at work and was in a conversation with some colleagues. I go to check my phone and accidentally clicked on the Safari app. Safari still had PornHub pulled up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 1 397

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 18:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 539

You deserved it 3 421

By Anonymous - 29/03/2018 19:30 - United States - Stamford

Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 3 725

By burb - 25/09/2013 19:23 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 029

You deserved it 3 904

By whoriblemomindeed - 20/06/2013 16:02 - United States - Celeste

Today, in a fit of paranoid hysteria, my mom threw out my phone, claiming the NSA can look through the camera to spy on me. I guess that's why you're still using your own phone to sext your latest boyfriend, eh mom? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 165

You deserved it 3 017

By bipbip - 12/11/2008 07:53 - France

Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 344

You deserved it 68 791

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 18:08 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 347

You deserved it 41 592

By thats what my ipod is for - 26/04/2013 17:34 - United States

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 485

You deserved it 3 143

By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 05:07 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 689

You deserved it 4 014

Next

Top comments

Wizardo 33

Sunday 4 October 2015 12:10

It gets easier and more morally desensitising after a few faps. Just wear a tin foil hat on both heads.

booze_n_bitches 37

Sunday 4 October 2015 12:20

I normally just hire a few exotic dancers to come over every time I wank. Or ask them to come up from the basement for ten minutes. Less of this "technology" malarkey.

Comments

SkylineFTW97 25

Monday 5 October 2015 2:17

The government has better things to do than log what kinds of **** we watch.......or do they?

thatsme293 28

Monday 5 October 2015 4:28

Apple killswitch alert

mnelms 9

Monday 5 October 2015 5:56

this is an old fml. way to repost op.

blargblah 12

Monday 5 October 2015 6:38

What kind of **** are you watching that you're afraid of the government?

princess51423 15

Tuesday 6 October 2015 0:11

The Government?! What kind of **** were you watching?

Bubbilility 27

Tuesday 6 October 2015 1:07

Everyone is asking what kind of **** you were watching. All I can think of is, like, a parody of the government. Obama and his wife... or some other politician. Trump? I don't know American politics. Heck, I hardly know Australian politics.

hiddenfromsight 7

Tuesday 6 October 2015 4:52

You're an idiot

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The Top

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You deserved it 4 765

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The Top

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Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

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You deserved it 21 281

Today, I was pulled over by a cop and was fined $210 for making an illegal u-turn. When the cop finished writing my ticket and hopped in his car, he made the same u-turn. FML

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You deserved it 7 460

Today, my mother told me to my face that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't have had kids. Thanks, Mum. It's not like I asked to be born. FML

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You deserved it 138

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

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You deserved it 2 539