By xxx - 03/10/2015 13:38 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died. But I thought for a few seconds the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML
I agree, your life sucks 21 176
You deserved it 8 346
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Top comments

Wizardo 33

It gets easier and more morally desensitising after a few faps. Just wear a tin foil hat on both heads.

259 3
booze_n_bitches 37

I normally just hire a few exotic dancers to come over every time I wank. Or ask them to come up from the basement for ten minutes. Less of this "technology" malarkey.

130 5

Comments

ZoroMiHawk 25

Well if you're a christian then you should be aware that god is always watching you too, not just the government.

9 35
Dave_Davington 33

Well, if God's going to watch me burp the worm, the least he can do is give me a hand. Particularly towards the end when my arm starts to get tired. I mean, it's common courtesy, really.

31 9
Lalala579121 27

They just want you to think your phone died.

13 1
heart_aussie_fml 20

What kind of **** are you watching to be worried about the government busting you?!

51 1
aussie99 3

yes..... your government definitely isn't watching you...........

9 2
buckdharma 37

Big brother here. You're doing it wrong.

17 2
interesting33 36

As long as it is not illegal stuff, like child **** or with ppl who haven't consented to the act or the video being distributed, then I doubt they care :)

9 2
PinkGlitterBunny 8

**********, child ****, smut or rape scenes are pretty much only the illegal ones. lol

8 4
One_Way 43

********** is also still legal in some states. However, Virginia is not one of them.

0 1
Mechazilla2 15

Whether your phone shut off or not, you would have found yourself in a pretty sticky situation.

8 1
cheshirecat13242 32

What kind of **** does one watch that would invoke fear of government monitoring...?

8 1
sstahpp 33

I have a huge fear that someone can look at me through the front camera of my phone :/ I always have a sticker on there.

13 1
ThrottleJockey 35

Don't worry, the audio still comes on clear as a bell. ;-)

9 1
sstahpp 33

Haha thanks that made me feel much better!

4 1