Love: Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite...

By MessedXUp - 25/09/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 480

You deserved it 47 342

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Maturity level

By Clairebear - 07/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 789

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 685

He's a keeper

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 15:00

Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 23:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 120

You deserved it 6 355

NEXT!

By Kristie - 03/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 169

By RitaDahhlinnnng - 25/08/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 010

You deserved it 10 831

By Username - 16/04/2011 08:39 - United States

Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 933

You deserved it 4 699

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - 15/07/2016 20:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 697

You deserved it 1 021

By great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 978

You deserved it 3 564

Maybe he's into that...

By pissypants - 25/11/2017 19:00

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 3 530

CraziOne 0

Friday 25 September 2009 23:21

What is up with girls that dont eat on dates? I dont get this. If you dont want to eat on a first date then do something that doesnt involve food. Like Miniature golf? Bowling? beach? And even if you go out for food, just dont eat a lot. Dont make yourself suffer by drinking a lot of water. It's not healthy.

Zhombie 0

Friday 25 September 2009 23:14

Why not just eat before you went out on the date...I mean really?

Comments

birds_fml 7

Friday 25 September 2009 23:38

Guys don't like girls who don't eat a normal sized meal. They're paying for dinner, it pisses them off if you barely touch your food. It DOES NOT impress them! If you eat a normal size meal, they will NOT think you're a pig. They won't think anything, actually, because guys don't think like that. They might actually think you're anorexic if you barely eat anything on a date.

Apocalyptus 0

Saturday 26 September 2009 14:39

Err why would the guy have to pay for your dinner?

nomnomsarah 3

Tuesday 12 April 2011 11:12

its been mentioned in previous comments, but it's usually the person that asks you out who pays. It's chivalrous and most gentlemen usually insist on paying anyway. No I am not being sexist not in any way or implying that men must pay! I'm just saying men tend to pick up the bill when taking someone out on a date

someguy945 0

Friday 25 September 2009 23:39

You're acting all deceptive right from the very first date. Not good. You haven't dated in a while. Here is a dating tip - be yourself. Don't do crazy things to give your dates a false impression of who you are.

Witchcraft_fml 4

Friday 25 September 2009 23:42

Here's where you laugh it off. If he's so humorous, he'll find it funny too. :]

jane99 0

Friday 25 September 2009 23:42

Stop caring what others think about you.

ryan__h 1

Saturday 26 September 2009 6:40

easier said than done

WhyworldWhy 0

Friday 25 September 2009 23:48

who cares if you look like a pig believe it or not any guy worth dating would rather you be your real self besides if he has a sense of humor most likely he would be glad to have a Tom boy for a date

nomnomsarah 3

Tuesday 12 April 2011 11:14

eating a normal or even large sized meal in no way makes you a tomboy

WhyworldWhy 0

Friday 25 September 2009 23:53

p.s. it's called can you exuse me for a minute(fastly walking to the bathroom and trying not to look like you gotta pee that bad)

xCrackerx 3

Friday 25 September 2009 23:55

Don't try so hard to impress people.

Realityrox 0

Saturday 26 September 2009 0:10

FYI - If the guy is really into you, he isn't going to be paying attention to how much you are eating. Just relax next time....

mj2123 0

Saturday 26 September 2009 0:19

Hold up...if he's a new guy (as you say) how do you know how funny he is? And seriously, most guys want a girl who actually eats. It's no fun to go out with someone who sits there with a plate full of lettuce watching you eat a full meal.