Broken and Love: Denial - FML

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - 15/07/2016 20:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 695

You deserved it 1 020

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Panic!

By Anonymous - 31/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 481

By tmac05 - 13/11/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 841

You deserved it 3 013

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 260

You deserved it 685

By Anonymous - 01/03/2018 19:30 - United States - Greenville

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 047

You deserved it 1 749

Stinker

By taman - 12/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 947

You deserved it 5 363

Time to flee the crime scene

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 10:00

Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 870

By great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 977

You deserved it 3 564

Maturity level

By Clairebear - 07/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 784

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 03:00

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 599

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 06/07/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Halstead

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 615

You deserved it 510

Next

Top comments

HeyItsCamilo 17

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:47

im waiting for him to post"today,i shat myself on a date,on the brightside i think she didn't notice"

MitchRapp 20

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:54

Sounds like a crappy date.

Comments

Exorcio 14

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

HeyItsCamilo 17

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:51

he just didnt give a shit

danielcho7727 20

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:03

i hope he gets his shit straight

ChocolateScyther 19

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:39

why do people always make those "shitty situation puns" if they know they're gonna be downvoted into oblivion?

Mpii 11

Saturday 16 July 2016 13:15

Because their sense of humour is just as shitty...

tintarroja 31

Saturday 16 July 2016 14:05

because they don't give a shit...

will968 15

Saturday 16 July 2016 19:01

Well... Shit, why do you think? He couldn't give two ***** about this crap

HeyItsCamilo 17

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:47

im waiting for him to post"today,i shat myself on a date,on the brightside i think she didn't notice"

pharmalady 10

Saturday 16 July 2016 17:03

It was first up on the moderation list for me this morning.

Balphleair 24

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:50

Funny thing I read this while in the bathroom

Seabass_Chan 33

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:51

Isn't that where most people are while reading FML?

zaidthunder1 27

Saturday 16 July 2016 10:34

True Story.

lakesofire 13

Saturday 16 July 2016 16:39

same haha

MitchRapp 20

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:54

Sounds like a crappy date.

draftskink 23

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

SauceySarah 30

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:02

Poor guy. Too embarrassed to acknowledge it. Deny, deny, deny.

anonymoususer070 17

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:08

As much as he was probably embarrassed and I feel for him maybe you should've asked if he wanted to go home and change that way everyone around you didn't have to notice because most likely they did and you could've gone to do something else after so he didn't have to go back to that restaurant? Plus I'm sure he wasn't comfortable sitting in it the whole time.

Tripartita 44

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:10

Can you really blame him, Lady Bloodshart? Last time a relative of mine crossed a descendant of the Redwater line, we ended up having to excommunicate them for fear of the toiletry related curses that befell them. I should think that your reputation would be enough to strike fear into the hearts (and bowels) of those who hope to court you.

lccc_ 18

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:36

he was probably just super embarrased.

MrZed_fml 11

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:52

I hope he gets his shit straight

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my husband decided to flash me while I was on a video call, so my clients announced they would only work with professionals, and ended the call. I was giving a virtual showing of a £1.2 million house they were thinking of buying. At 6% commission, my husband's junk just cost us £72,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 276

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 306

You deserved it 3 563

The Top

Today, I jumped into a pile of snow which had built up against a wall. Turns out it wasn't snow but a pile of cement covered by an inch of snow. I now have a 3 inch cut along my leg and a sprained wrist from falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 656

You deserved it 29 144

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 412

You deserved it 2 343

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 329

You deserved it 4 145

Today, I mistakenly shared my picture in my office group chat, then went to dinner. No one asked me to delete it for 30 minutes, then when I got a message that I'd shared it in the wrong window, I deleted it immediately. I don't know how many people saw the picture, and my manager also is in the group in addition to my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 1 073

Today, I went to Lidl to buy the cheapest jaffa cakes I could. They cost 35p. When I was eating them later on I put the plastic wrapper onto the side. When I'd finished eating my jaffa cakes I went to pick up the wrapper... The dog had eaten it. Cost me a £150 vet bill. Most expensive jaffas I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 006

You deserved it 8 552

Today, the block where I work had mandatory all-storefront works. I had to be there. The workers asked me for my ladder, cord extensions, driller, complained for 4 hours, and didn't clean after them. Now they're in front of my shop, loudly mocking my looks and clothes, I can hear them through the door. Nice day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 128